Saturday, May 11, 2013

Self Motivated, Task Oriented, and Very Thorough

Here at the Unintimidated headquarters, we expect everyone to help out, do their part. We used to make job charts to organize the workload and remind the younger ones among us of their rotating, day-to-day duties. For some reason, we haven't done a job chart in a while, and yet the place is holding together. This is probably because the Mrs. and I point out what needs to be cleaned, tidied, thrown away, de-urinized, etc. as we go along. When our threats and warnings get serious enough, someone usually steps up and accomplishes these tasks.

But there are some things we don't even have to mention. The kids keep track themselves. For example, every day someone gathers all the towels--clean and dirty ones--and carefully places them on the bathroom floor for us, without even being asked. Whoever it is usually remembers to also open the shower curtain and aim the shower head into the room while the water runs for 5 or 10 minutes, leaving a puddle approximately 3 inches deep. I'm so glad they save me the trouble of ruining our floor and everything else in the room. I can relax and know it will be done for me.

If there's ever a dispute about whose turn it is to do this, they apparently work it out together.

No. 3 Offspring: When are you going to make sure all our towels get soiled?

No. 1 Offspring: It's your turn to do that. I've got scatter all our shoes across the family room today.

No. 2 Offspring: She's right. And that means I'm in charge of finding about 18 cups and filling each one halfway with milk, juice, or soda to leave out in the kitchen.

No. 3: Are you sure it's not my turn for that? I could swear I did the shoes yesterday. Remember, I even went above and beyond by adding a pizza box, some crayons, and most of our board games?

No. 1: No, that was Saturday. So now you have towels, I'm on shoes, and 2 does cups.

No. 3: Oh, that's right. Hey 2, you should also put a little bit of cereal and milk into several bowls and leave them various places throughout the house. It will really put the finishing touch on your job. I'll help you!

Aren't they great? This stuff gets done every day, without fail. With all of them helping so diligently, there's hardly any work for me and the wife to do around here.

~ Fear not, dear reader. I'll soon return to my English lessons series.~

Note: This is probably the first time all week I've used the word "de-urinized" on my blog, or in anything I've written. Sometimes there's only one word to describe a particular thing or activity, and you're glad when you find it.


  1. I'm just glad you've raised your children to use their awesome organizational powers for good.

    1. Yes, I'm sure they learned by example. If you saw the model of perfect neatness that is my tool room, you'd understand. Working together, we keep the whole house in [a sort of] order.

  2. This was hilarious, Brian! While I try to refrain from the use of LOL, I actually realized it exists reading this piece. My husband looked at me from across the room. I also realized that I do a lot of deurinizing without even suspecting it. This is great, I am going to tweet this to my tens of followers.

    1. Thanks so much, Katia. I generally frown on txt msg abbreviations, but I will allow an occasional LOL. Is that Spider Man bubble bath of yours any good for cleaning/disinfecting/deurinizing, or is it just for relaxing in the tub?

  3. The Spider Man bubble bath only deurinizes villains. I think you should work on developing a general deurinizer. Something less niche.

    1. I'll talk to the folks at Lysol and Febreeze. Maybe we can come up with something.

      Did you ever see "Envy" with Jack Black and Ben Stiller? They came up with a product called Va-poo-riser that makes poo disappear. In case you haven't seen it, I won't give any spoilers. Though a critical flop and financially disappointing, it's a great movie.