Friday, January 6, 2012

Telling It Like It Is

I reckon it's time for another entry in my ongoing series on fast food condiments. (I'm unintimidated by the knowledge that nobody in the universe except me finds this stuff interesting.)

You know what I appreciate? Simplicity. And honesty. Look at this little packet of honey:

I wish we could have more products like this. The name tells exactly what's inside, and I know what every ingredient is.

Yeah, pretty simple.

Contrast this with a packet of ranch sauce:

A little less simple.

I like dipping things in this stuff, but I'm a little troubled by the fact that it has 36 ingredients, and I don't know what most of them are. Some of them sound like the same ingredients in paint stripper. I'll probably live longer if I just stick with the honey.


  1. Yes you'll live longer, but will you live with the same zest and lust for life that you would have knowing that any moment could be your last after eating whatever that BK packet reallyis?

  2. Good point, Guap--I probably would not. And I also would not get my recommended allowance of things like carrageenan, xanthan gum, and propylene glycol alginate.

  3. Except honey doesn't taste as good on pizza. :(

  4. For some reason I am now craving Chick Fil A sauce...thanks for that...

  5. Oooh, me too, Abby. Or Popeye's chicken! I wish I had some right now.

    You're right, Dana, but does the sauce really need all those chemicals? I guess most of the scarier sounding ones are preservatives, whereas honey is naturally formulated to last for years, even decades, and not go bad. What a perfect foodstuff! Now if we could just train bees to make it in a variety of different flavors: Ranch, BBQ, Teriyaki... imagine the possibilities!

  6. My grandmother always had honey from their hive for biscuits in the AM...just looking at that packet reminded me of that good ol' country cooking and has me hungry. So true...yikes on the Ranch ingredients.

  7. I like how mummies were embalmed with honey.

    As for propylene glycol alginate (PGA): Per wikipedia it "is an emulsifier, stabilizer, and thickener used in food products. It is a food additive with E number E405. Chemically, propylene glycol alginate is an ester of alginic acid, which is derived from kelp. Some of the carboxyl groups are esterified with propylene glycol, some are neutralized with an appropriate alkali, and some remain free."

    Sounds harmless. I think food stabilizers are important. How else do they keep from exploding?

  8. I'm a big fan of honey. Huge. Though cheese is usually what makes it into my writing. (Poor honey.) So I have randomly selected your comments section to pontificate on the merits of this delicious natural condiment:

    (1) Number of flowers tapped to make one pound of honey - Two million (Holy crap. How are there still flowers?)
    (2) Amount of honey made by average worker bee in lifetime - 1/12 teaspoon (Geez, what a bunch of slackers!)
    (3) The US per capita consumption of honey - 1.1 lbs. (Sad considering #2. What have WE done for BEES lately?)
    (4) Alcoholic products made from honey - Mead wine & Drambouie Scotch liquer (And now I like it EVEN MORE.)
    (5) Number of bees it takes to kill a human - 600-800 (So, if you can count 599 or less, you're good. Relax.)

    Also, it rocks on fattening, salty, lardy buttermilk biscuits alongside butter and in tea when your throat's being a pain in the ass (or the throat ... as it were). These last two tidbits are not actually trivia but rather my opinion made from years of trial and error experimentation.

    No, I am NOT a damned scientist. You'll just have to take my word for it.

  9. I like your sense of humor! Keep up the good work. And hey, it looks like you've been to Asia. Is this true?