More DIY Tips

If you've been following this blog since the beginning (and you have an excellent memory), you might recall that years ago I sometimes gave ideas for saving money on car repairs. I've collected some more pictures to share with you, of cars that people care about just enough to attempt repairs, without actually spending any money.

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Mirror coming loose? Or maybe broken off when you parked a bit too close to that tree? Not to worry, and don't go spending tens of dollars on a replacement! This can be fixed with a little crafting glue... or better yet, a lot of it. For added security, drive a few drywall screws right through the mirror, into the car door. Voila!

Here's a sweet looking Saturn with a rear bumper that had trouble staying on. Did its do-it-yourself owner waste lots time and money on it? Of course not! He's wise enough to know all that's needed is a bungee strap.

The front bumper is also loose, but this guy knows it would be a waste of valuable duct tape to secure it before it actually falls off...

At the corners, however, you kind of have to anchor down your body panels. You know what's great about C-clamps? They work for temporarily holding pieces together--like when glue is drying in the shop, but they can also be used for permanent repairs. Fast, easy, and totally secure! As long as the tire still clears, I don't see why you'd go with any other method.

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My next tip isn't about DIY repairs, but how to tell when your car might be a beater.

Here's a picture of the right front fender on my sweet Kia minivan. (I'm serious. This is actually my van.) A while back, someone decided to use a key or rock or something to scratch up the paint. Whoever did this has some artistic talent, and didn't just make a long straight scratch, but a nifty little zig-zag.

Not only did I not get too upset when I noticed it, but I thought it kind of adds a nice touch. I considered duplicating the pattern on the other fender, but I'm afraid I would not get it right. When you see minor vandalism in this way, it's possible that your car is a beater.

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That's all for now. Remember, if a repair job's worth doing, it's worth doing using only what's in your junk drawer, in about five minutes. In the dark.

Worst Station Ever!

I saw this in a shopping mall restroom. I swear I did not alter its label in any way. But I think someone did. I seriously hope someone did. Otherwise, this station is a horrible thing that I think we really don't need in our society.

My advice for whoever built this is to focus on making the labels more durable.

Jennifer Lawrence for President of the World!

Just a little something to share with you tonight, because I love it...

Photo courtesy of, um, some website Google found for me.

It seems whenever Jennifer Lawrence (who has a serious shot at dethroning Zooey Deschanel as Queen of Quirk) tries to do glamorous, she comes across as goofy, hilarious... and so CUTE!

Click! --> Mashable: Jennifer Lawrence Photobombs SJP at Some Stupid Gala <-- Click!

I was delighted to stumble onto this story today, because 1) Just look at how funny J-Law is, as usual, and 2) She did this to the grossly over-rated Sarah Jessica Parker. Sarah, you might as well face the fact that you've just been owned. By Katniss Everdeen. (Might be time to throw in the towel.)

Sarah showed up wearing a hat that's ridiculous even by Hollyweird standards and what looks like a gown made of gold foil. From where I sit, she was asking for it!

I stared at my screen, watching the GIF play about 300 times, and could do so all night. Jennifer, you have both hypnotized me and restored my faith in humanity. You're my hero.

Don't Look Now, But Your Modifier is Dangling

This might be one of those things that only I find funny, but I'll share it anyway. Check out the sign that recently appeared on the men's room door at my work:

 I swear this is an actual photo, unaltered, and that I did not make up the sign. Apparently, the janitors did.

I'll promise to heed this request and wait until I'm all done being cleaned before using the restroom. Although, that seems like kind of a backwards approach--shouldn't we do our thing in there first, and then get cleaned? Wait a second... who's being cleaned around here, and even more puzzling, who is doing that cleaning?! And WHERE are they doing it, if not in the restroom, forpetesake?!!

I think they meant for us to keep out while the ROOM is cleaned, but just to be sure, I'll stay away when either the room or my body is having anything done to it.

Now, here's the part Paul Harvey would have called The Rest of the Story. I noticed that sign a few days ago and thought I should share it with the world (in case anyone else gets a kick out of this kind of thing). Today I remembered to take my camera to work, so I returned to that restroom, hoping the sign would still be up. On my way there, I saw a similar sign on the ladies' room:

Also a real, unaltered photo

This brings up some questions, like Why is the ladies' sign so much nicer? Do they really deserve a prettier restroom sign, in this age when we are supposed to be striving for equality? Also, since this one is worded more clearly (to us English majors, at least), is there really an error on the other one? Maybe it reads just as intended. I guess it's not important. After thinking about it for a while, dangling modifiers are really no big deal.

Dog Day Off, Platypus Plays the Keytar, etc.

This post is sort of like those weekly grab bags that I used to do about once a month. Except there's no real theme to it, unless you count "unrelated funny stuff that I've come across lately." Lots of kids would say this post is really random, but I won't say that. (Please leave random alone! The poor word is so badly overworked and abused... Please let it rest!)

First off, an entry in Stuff George Carlin Said:

"What do dogs do on their day off? They can't lay around; that's their job."

I heard this and thought, Yeah, he's right. And then, Oh, to be a dog!

This is Cooper, our goldendoodle:

Guardian, protector, and supervisor of all canine tasks, ready to spring into action.

He has zero responsibilities in our household. His food, shelter, and entertainment are provided, free of charge. If he wants to run around or wrestle, he can. (This doesn't happen very often, because he is remarkably lazy). If he wants to sleep 18 hours a day, he can do that. (His usual tendency.) When he gets bored, he watches out the window and barks at our neighbors as they come and go from their own houses, or at innocent passers-by.

Occasionally I say to myself, "Self, maybe Cooper needs to get out for some exercise. It's important for dogs to get plenty of exercise. Let's take him jogging. It'll be good for him." I am not a big runner. In fact, I hate to run. Since it's supposedly good for me too, I've been known to jog once in a while. I say this to give you some perspective on my level of conditioning. Cooper cannot even keep up with me! Our Brittany, Kipper, used to pull me along with the leash, and my wife could skate uphill on her roller blades using him for propulsion. When I take Cooper, I have to pull him. So much for "Dogs need plenty of exercise."

We really should give Cooper a day off once in a while. I just don't know what he'd do with it.

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I love Venn diagrams. I can't explain this. I like all kinds of charts and graphs, but especially well-designed Venns. I recently encountered one that made me laugh uncontrollably. (I admit I was in a goofy mood at the time.)

Words can only detract from the awesomeness of this diagram.

To me, this is funny on so many levels. If you don't find it funny, I'm not sure I want you around me. If you do, we could probably be best friends. Come up with a Venn better than this, and you will win tremendous respect and admiration from me! I don't know where this originated, but I found it at Leisurefest Destiny, a blog filled with hilarious, sometimes amazing, and sometimes just bizarre pics and vids.

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One more insanely funny thing that Leisurefest Destiny turned me onto is Flula, a German dude who puts videos on YouTube about his confusion with American idioms. LD reposted the one about Jennifer pooping at parties, but there are lots of other good ones. This is my favorite:

Un Blog Sobre Idiomas

In the U.S. of A. nowadays, we see lots of stuff written in both English and Spanish. I guess that’s okay, because it helps our immigrants from south of the border. If I were to visit their country, I’d like to see signs and instructions in my language. (I would, of course, try hard to learn theirs if I were staying long-term… just sayin’)

Here’s a sign I saw at a hospital sign-in desk recently:

I wouldn't expect a Spanish speaker to understand terms like “disability” and “ancestry” and “conditions of admission" in English. Since this hospital gets the occasional Hispanic patient, they’re wise to give the instructions in both languages.

Similarly, our local Best Buy store has a sign that warrants translation, because it has some pretty difficult words on it:

But this translation business can go too far. I recently filled out a form that was labeled in both English and French. It asked for lots of basic information, including the following:

Last Name / Nom

First Name / Prenom

Time / Heure

Religion /  Religion

Date / Date

Disposition / Disposition

I’m not sure all of these needed to be translated, but they all were, for the sake of consistency, I guess. Consistency is nice, I just think they could have saved the ink.

Another sign in Best Buy really makes me say "Huh?!" It's over their MP3 and iPod department:

If you can understand no written English at all, I think you could still grasp that “MP3 & iPod” means “MP3 y iPod.” Maybe it isn’t just consistency that drives these decisions. Maybe Best Buy’s reasoning in designing this sign went something like this:

We must translate it into Spanish, or our Hispanic customers will be lost! They’ll search in vain for the MP3s and iPods. They’ll surely give up and leave the store without making a purchase, because in their language, “&” is “y.” No, it’s unacceptable to print only “MP3 & iPod.” We must render it in both languages, replacing the “&” with a “y.”

Good call, Best Buy!




I've just made a long-awaited update to The Bozo List. Check it out!

I'm Like Ernie's Uncle Sid

In my last post, I put up a few pictures of myself and my daughters. Before doing so, I did not look at them very closely. Just got them off the camera, quickly cropped out the background clutter, and threw them out for the world to enjoy.

I've since gone back and taken a closer look, and it occurred to me that
   I've become Sid Fernwilter.

My hair isn't quite as thin in front or as long in back, but with my cheesy almost-mustache, gut that sticks out past my chest, and goofy smile, there's a real resemblance.

For those unfamiliar with Bud Grace's Ernie/The Piranha Club comic strip, Sid is a greedy swindler, always seen wearing a blue polyester suit. So that's where the similarities end--I prefer greens and khakis, and given a choice, I will always go with flannel.

This is the kind of stuff that inspires cartoonists.

A Nose You Could Hang a Raincoat From

Just a quick post today to share a picture of a little fellow who made me smile when I saw him in a bathroom stall.

I'll call him Pinocchio!

Also, check out the latest additions to The Bozo List. (Click the tab above.)

10 November Edit:

Check this out, folks. I shot that picture yesterday, published it here this morning, and tonight saw a remarkably similar one, posted by my friend on Facebook:

What is it with all these silly coat hooks, and how many more of them will surface?

Botox, Wireless Mess, and Some Zesty Sauce

Here at Unintimidated, we like to mix it up sometimes. We will unexpectedly change our writing style, for example. Like right now, with the way we're using first person plural pronouns, even though everyone knows there's just one of me.


Something else we like to do is point out things we find amusing. Several weeks ago, we showed you a cookie wrapper that struck us as ridiculous because it used the word "decadent." Here is a little packet of fry sauce with another silly word:

This is actually pretty good, whatever it is. We like BK's foodstuffs.

Exactly what does "zesty" mean? It's a word nobody (and we do mean nobody) ever uses in regular conversation. It is only used to describe things like fry sauce and salad dressing, on their packages and in advertisements. If you are not a sauce maker or advertising person, we'll bet you've never spoken or written "zesty" in your life. Correction: there's one other product it's associated with (sort of), and that's Zest brand soap. "You're not fully clean unless you're Zestfully clean." So the same word that's supposed to tempt us to dip our onion rings in this sauce also encourages us to lather up in the shower. We guess that's okay, as long as we don't get the two products mixed up.




This struck us as ironic and kind of stupid:

Spotted inside the Weber State University library

It's ironic because we usually think computer network upgrades involve replacing clean, quiet electronic devices with slightly more sophisticated clean, quiet electronic devices. If it's a wireless system, what's causing all the commotion? They must be running new cables or something through the building.


When there's remodeling going on, it has become very conventional to put up a sign that says "Pardon our dust," or "Pardon our noise." Here, someone used both. As you should know by now, we're not big fans of stale convention. "Pardon our [whatever]" was clever the first 900 times it was used. Now it's just dumb, like the old, tired "Got [insert your product's name here]?" that everyone under the sun copies from the milk ads. Try to be a little more original, folks!




Here's a clipping from an absurd online banner ad:

This mom now has a newfound zest for life!

Are we supposed to believe that's a real before and after photo? A three dollar "trick" can take your looks from 97-year-old Cardassian to teenage Katie Holmes? Reasonable skepticism is one convention we embrace here.


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Finally, on an unrelated note, we feel it's time for another edition of Stuff George Carlin Said. This is one of our favorites from him:


"Here's a word you don't see anymore: foodstuffs. I wish it would make a comeback."

We like "foodstuffs" because, although it isn't a necessary word, we feel it has subtleties of meaning that "food" lacks. And we think it's fun to say.

I Parked Next to Oscar the Grouch's Car Today

In an earlier post, I showed you how someone saved money by doing his own car body repairs.

Today, I saw a car that someone is using to save on trash collection bills. Like a sucker, I’ve been putting my old drink cups, banana peels, junk mail, and other refuse into the trash can, which gets emptied—for a fee—once a week (provided I remember to drag it to the curb). This guy just throws everything into his Ford Tempo, saving time and money. I presume it accumulates until he can no longer see over the top of it, at which time he only has to open the passenger doors in the Wal-Mart parking lot, letting it all cascade to the ground.

He must be filthy rich.

Rain water and glare make this a crummy shot, so you'll just
have to take my word that the entire car is filled with trash.

It looks like a win-win situation: there’s still plenty of room for him in the driver’s seat, he has a perfect excuse to refuse giving rides to friends (where would they sit?), and he never has to go looking for a wastebasket, dumpster, or recycling bin. As an added bonus, he’ll never have to worry about women trying to go on a date with him… or talk to him… or even stand within 20 feet of him.

To my wife and kids: After seeing this, I apologize for all the times I’ve gotten on your case over a few gum wrappers or a video rental receipt in the minivan, and I promise to lighten up from now on.

Please Help Find This Gypsy, etc.

Today I want to do a few different things: help a neighbor in need, give my readers a tip on where NOT to eat, and waste several kilobytes on vintage office equipment. (This blog is nothing if not broad in its coverage.)

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It seems a gypsy has gone missing from a home in my area. Apparently he was seen with a black dog, and one of them is wearing a red collar.

Please watch out for these two and speak up if you see anything, because I think it’s sad for a family to be without their gypsy, and wherever he is, he’s probably scared and lonely.

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Friday night, Momma and I went out for Italian. We’d never eaten at Ligori’s on Hill Field Road in Layton, Utah, so we decided to try them. She didn’t think the place looked too promising, but I said they deserved a chance. They probably won’t get another one.

On entering the place, we were quickly seated by a cute hostess, a tiny woman about 20 years old with a huge smile and way too much energy. She oozed perkiness, and we thought that a good sign.

If you’re looking for a family-friendly place, this one certainly fits the bill, which is my nice way of saying they should rename it “Ligori’s Kooky Italian Romper Room.” We’ve found Chuck E. Cheese’s to have better ambiance at times. Seated near us were at least three large parties, each with multiple toddlers who definitely did not use their inside voices.

That would have been okay if the food quality and service were up to par. When the waitress—a cheerful teenage redhead—took our drink orders, we said we weren’t quite ready to order our food. So she went away for about 10 minutes to let us decide. We settled on fried mozzarella sticks for an appetizer (Why do they call it that? We were already plenty hungry; that’s why we went to a restaurant.) and a three-pasta combo to share for our entrée. They brought out our “salads” first, and then the cheese sticks right before the entrée.

Here is what passes for salad there:

There was nothing wrong with this bowl of chopped iceberg lettuce. Trouble is, that’s all it was. Restaurant owners, listen up. Salad, by definition, is a mixture of at least two or three different items, maybe with a little variety of colors and textures. Ligori’s first course doesn’t qualify. At least the ranch dressing was pretty good, and I like that they brought it in a separate little bowl.


~ Edit: After reading this post, Celeste pointed out something I'd forgotten. She said, "To be fair, there was a slice of tomato on top of the lettuce when they brought it out." So I stand corrected. But I still say a bowl of lettuce and bite of tomato do not a salad make. ~

The pasta was likewise unimpressive. Rigatoni with meatballs, lasagna, and fettuccini Alfredo with chicken. There was nothing particularly wrong with any of it, but nothing to make us say, “I’m really glad we ate that!” The sauces could have come straight from a Ragu jar. I filled up on bread.

Somewhere along the way, the waitress forgot about us again, and we had to flag her down to refill our drinks. To her credit, she was friendly and she tried hard, but she seemed inexperienced, in need of some training.

With tax and a (modest) tip added to the bill and five dollars removed by a coupon, we got out of there for just over 30 bucks, not bad these days for a sit-down dinner for two, but not great, considering we eat better at Olive Garden, Noodles & Co., or even Fazoli’s.

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Finally, in case the above critique is not trivial enough, let me show you the most aptly named stapler I've ever seen:

Here is Old Smashy II. I don't know where he came from, but he appeared in my office a few weeks ago with his name painted across his back. I never met his predecessor. He appears to be about 30 years old and is still going strong, putting to shame those flimsy plastic staplers they sell today. I like Smashy because he reminds me that in our disposable world, there’s still room for something with substance, experience, and a bit more weight than necessary, plus a somewhat grouchy disposition. (We might as well call him Wilford Brimley.)

Love my blog but want more cowbell? Wish I would fall into an abyss, or at least throw my laptop in? Feel I should have chosen 12 pt. Arial instead of 14 pt. Verdana? Comment below! I’m not a mind reader.

DIY and Save Thousands

Okay, so far all I've written here is dry, introductory stuff. Now it's time for something fun and very practical...

Do-it-yourself auto body tips, illustrated with pictures I took outside my friend's apartment this morning.

To fix a damaged bumper, all you need is some duct tape and spray paint.

- Be sure to apply enough layers of tape to restore the structural integrity, and try to smooth out any big wrinkles.

- After taping, apply a coat of Krylon or Rust-Oleum approximately the same color as the original paint. (If the original paint is severely oxidized, you have some flexibility.)

That's all there is to it! From half a mile away, nobody can tell it was ever wrecked. (Although you should probably show the car to potential buyers only at night.) You can use a similar process on torn headliners, broken tail lights, and possibly even flat tires. For repairs under the hood (like a ruptured radiator hose or fuel line), use premium quality, high-temp duct tape, because any job worth doing is worth doing right.