Heaps of Beeps

Howzit, folks? Since I just gave you a Stuff Caleb Sez, let's now do an entry in Stuff George Carlin Said. Because I like to keep things balanced, and also because I never get tired of G.C.

"Everything beeps now."

As usual, he's right. When I was a kid, we didn't have many things in our house that beeped. There was one phone, it was stuck to the wall, and it rang with an actual bell. You know, a round metal thing inside being struck by a tiny hammer. To make a call, you had to literally dial the number. Zip-zip-ziiiiip! 

Want to change the TV channel? You had to walk across the room and turn a big mechanical knob. (The choices were 2, 4, 5, 7, and 11, plus a few UHF stations that usually didn't play anything interesting.) We called it tuning in a station, and it was slightly less trouble than tuning a piano. Even though it only had a 17" screen, the TV itself was about the size and weight of a Smart car.

We were one of the first families I knew to get a microwave oven. It was an Amana Radarange, and it didn't beep. Like our TV and our telephone, it had... wait for it... yep, big round dials to set the cook time, plus a few clunky mechanical buttons for "Start," "Stop," and "Light." It made our food hot, and nobody ever struggled with how to program it.

But things changed, and several years ago, almost everything in the house beeped. Some things beeped when we pushed their buttons, other things beeped to get our attention so we'd know when it was time to wake up or when our toast was done. And don't forget beepers. They beeped too!

Nowadays, most devices have been replaced by the smart phone. It's a camera, video camera, video game, GPS, calculator (and scientific calculator!), TV, alarm clock, remote control, flashlight, Rolodex, and even a phone. And it beeps a lot. I still have a separate electric shaver, because as far as I can tell, they haven't made an app for that yet. I checked into the Motorola Razr, but that turned out to be a very misleading product name.

I wonder what George would have said about smart phones.

U.S.A. Number 1!

As the great Dave Barry often writes in preface to his kooky tales, I swear I am not making this up.

I don't know what we were talking about that led to the subject of American history; sometimes boy genius Caleb just comes up with this stuff out of the blue. This morning, he told me the following (and this is an exact quote):

"Guess how we won the British versus American war. [me: How?] Because the British were stupidheads."

Yep, that about sums it up.

And I'm pretty sure the Soviets failed because they were a bunch of commie boogerbrain liars. Who smelled like poo.

King George III by Johann Zoffany

Two Great Americans

On this tenth anniversary of the most terrible day in our nation’s recent history, lots of people are reflecting on patriotic themes, mourning our losses, and expressing gratitude for our blessings. Many turn their thoughts to heroic figures, both famous and nameless. I haven’t shared anything on this topic because I prefer to handle it with solitary contemplation, but I’d now like to write about two remarkable men Celeste and I had the honor of seeing yesterday.

My employer, the Air Force Reserve’s 419th Fighter Wing, held its annual family picnic yesterday. It’s a way of giving thanks to our spouses, kids, parents, and friends for their great sacrifices and support. This year, we enjoyed a special treat: country-western star Neal McCoy and his band came to Hill Air Force Base and put on a concert for us.

The quintessential entertainer

I’ve seen a lot of live shows from all kinds of performers, but Neal was hands-down the most entertaining of them all. If you want to see how showmanship is done, go see him, preferably in a small, intimate setting like what we had. He didn’t just sing, he entertained the crowd from the minute he stepped on stage until the minute he left. He performed several of his old hits, including “Wink,” “No Doubt About It,” and “The City Put the Country Back in Me,” plus a brand new song that’s soon to be released on his upcoming album, and even a hip-hop remix of the Beverly Hillbillies theme song. (You’ll just have to trust me that this one was a lot of fun.) I’m not a big country music fan, but as of yesterday, I’m a new Neal McCoy fan.

Halvorsen in 1948

Later that evening, we went to the base chapel to hear retired Colonel Gail Halvorsen speak. Gail is the pilot who got the idea to drop chocolate bars and gum with tiny parachutes to children on the ground during the Berlin airlift, earning him the nickname “Berlin candy bomber.”

He gave us a beautiful speech that was equal parts historical narrative and religious sermon, both entertaining and inspiring. His physical vigor belies his age of 90 years, and his mind likewise remains very sharp. Decades after he deserved to enter a relaxing retirement, he still travels extensively, sharing his story with people around the world, especially youth and military audiences.

Not the best picture of me or Celeste, but Gail looks great

After Gail's remarks, we got to chat face to face with him, and we even got a picture. This is a wonderful man, a true American hero, and the best speaker I’ve heard lately.

Far from feeling somber on this anniversary, we feel privileged to have heard from these two great Americans.

The Man Who (Perhaps) Flew Before the Wrights

When I have enough time and ambition, I’d like to do some in-depth research and try to find out who really made the first flight in a powered, heavier-than-air craft.

Conventional belief holds that Orville and Wilbur Wright were first when they flew at Kitty Hawk, North Carolina on December 17, 1903. Most never question this “fact,” because we’ve been taught it all our lives…

Michael Wutz is a brilliant professor of English at Weber State University and one of the nicest fellows I’ve ever met. I think he speaks at least three languages, and he knows more about literature and film than I can hope to learn if I live 100 years. This is not empty flattery, just truth. Besides teaching me a great deal about modern American literature, he turned me onto the story of Gustave Whitehead, a German immigrant to the U.S.

Gustav Weisskopf, a.k.a. Gustave Whitehead

Whitehead, born Gustav Weisskopf in Wutz’s hometown of Leutershausen, Germany, claimed to achieve powered flight more than two years before the brothers Wright. Anyone interested in early aviation history ought to read up on him. If his claim is true, why did the Wrights get credit? I believe Whitehead’s story may have been suppressed when German-American relations went (understandably) sour in the first World War. It’s also possible that our conventional belief is true, and Whitehead embellished or totally fabricated the accounts of his early flights.

A replica of Whitehead's aircraft

In any case, Whitehead’s craft was a more elegant, aesthetically-pleasing one than the Wrights’, and after a cursory study of his life, I find him to be a fascinating character. Alas, some doubt is cast on his claim and on the few books that have been written about him. The reasons for that doubt are explained here, along with brief accounts of several others who claimed to have flown first:

aerospaceweb.org --> Who was the first to fly?

Part of me hopes Whitehead’s claim is true. I’m not totally convinced that it is, or that it’s not. We’ll probably never know with absolute certainty, but it’s a mystery that deserves to be solved.

...

For further reading and some nice photos, I recommend:

earlyaviators.com

gustavewhitehead.org