tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1917777328849339162024-03-05T17:40:20.080-07:00Unintimidated by Convention...where you'll find a little of everythingBrian R. Christensenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503298129704145862noreply@blogger.comBlogger98125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191777732884933916.post-3851176191327370502014-04-06T20:38:00.000-07:002014-04-06T20:38:40.347-07:00Be Careful What You Threaten
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Ever heard the saying that goes, “Be careful what you wish
for (because it might come true)?” I have another one, directed mainly at
parents: Be careful what kind of threats you make (because your witty
offspring might call your bluff).</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A few days ago, my wife went on a long shopping trip with
our kids—the daughters, who were looking for Easter dresses, shoes, and
swimsuits, and also boy wonder Caleb, who got dragged along for lack of anyone
to watch him in their absence. Apparently, it was torture for him. Several
hours into the ordeal, he was acting up a lot… complaining, dragging his feet,
plotting to murder everyone and burn down the mall… the usual stuff.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Momma got tired of his whining and thoughtlessly issued the
following warning: “If you don’t stop acting like this, I’m not bringing you
with us next time.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: 18.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red;">Backfire!</span><o:p></o:p></span></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">His response was an immediate “Did I <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">want </i>to come with you?” I would have used something along the lines of “Can I get that in writing?” or just a flippant
“Promises, promises…” But his rhetorical question was effective enough. There
was not much momma could say at that point, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">or
so it would seem.<o:p></o:p></i></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Momma’s been doing this a while, though, and she’s pretty
good. Make that very good. Within a few seconds, she’d come up with a perfect
threat to make Caleb straighten up. All she had to say was, “Maybe we should
pick out a suit for you.” That broke him, and his behavior improved right away.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As I type this, Caleb is undergoing what momma likes to call “marinating
the boy.” She runs a tub of warm water, throws him into it, and makes him soak
for 20 minutes to loosen up the crust of dirt and
we-probably-don’t-want-to-know-what-else that builds up on him at a remarkable
rate. Soon she’ll go in to scrub him down, trim his claws, wash his hair, and
then let him out of the tub, at which point the crust will immediately begin
forming again. I’m not sure how she gets him to stay in the bath for so long, but I imagine
she issues horrible threats, like putting a necktie on him if he gets out.</span><a href="" name="_GoBack"></a></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Brian R. Christensenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503298129704145862noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191777732884933916.post-74430357461256559022014-03-17T16:29:00.000-07:002014-03-17T16:31:13.434-07:00Ten Guys You'll Probably Never Meet<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I got an Instant Message today from someone named Dana, who
works in my organization, but in a different office. I’d never met her before,
or so I thought. When I got a phone call from Dana a few minutes later, I found
out how wrong I was. Turns out, I’d never met <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">him</i> before.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This highlighted the fact that we should not jump to
conclusions about a person based on his or her name. Come to think of it
though, I’ve still never met Dana, so I'm just assuming he’s male based on his voice
over the phone. I hope I’m not wrong again.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">After this happened, a coworker and I talked about male and
female names. We agreed that Dana is not the most unlikely of men’s names.
We’ve both met guys named Kelly, Tracy, and Stacy. But neither of us has ever
met a guy named Sarah. Since we here at <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Unintimidated
by Convention</i> feel lists are fun things to share, I give you <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Ten Names You’ll Probably Never Find on a
Guy:</b></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1. Sarah</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2. Alicia</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">3. Brittany</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">4. Melissa</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">5. Amber</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">6. Tiffany</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">7. Rosalee</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">8. Margaret/Maggie</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">9. Catherine</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">10. Heather</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=191777732884933916" name="_GoBack"></a>Note that all bets are off if you’re
dealing with a Frenchman. They use a whole different set of rules.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Brian R. Christensenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503298129704145862noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191777732884933916.post-88877798210568609082014-03-12T21:00:00.000-07:002014-03-13T12:45:22.074-07:00Hats Off to the Old and the Stylish<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Nobody wants to grow old, but there are some upsides to it.
I’m looking forward to several benefits that will come when I hit 70. For
example, I will be able to wear a fedora. Laws vary from state to state, but
generally, the only people under 70 years old who are allowed to wear these
hats are hipsters, jazz musicians, and pretty-boys in J. Crew catalogs. Nerdy
kids trying to look like one of the above can also wear them, but that won’t
work for me; I gotta be authentic.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can select almost any baseball cap and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">own</i> it. I wear the dickens out of those,
and they seem right at home on my head. Ditto a boonie hat or a floppy cotton bucket hat for shade when I’m engaged in outdoor activities. Fedoras are
different. Worn as a lifestyle accessory—i.e., for no practical necessity—these
hats would seem totally phony on me, or would at least feel that way.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4IiSJGSU-OQUCfO7m8XBFtIVB9fKcYOmy_u_AKj-xddihzyseotjKdEBrpbj7l7NTsfPzAi3Fa7Zq5Q63XtpgYpsDs48O5J8qXeH3AupKLzqyY6vye1F8noHtVD3_d8d-_MnzmK40eoTs/s1600/Tom+Wolfe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4IiSJGSU-OQUCfO7m8XBFtIVB9fKcYOmy_u_AKj-xddihzyseotjKdEBrpbj7l7NTsfPzAi3Fa7Zq5Q63XtpgYpsDs48O5J8qXeH3AupKLzqyY6vye1F8noHtVD3_d8d-_MnzmK40eoTs/s1600/Tom+Wolfe.jpg" height="320" width="280" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Dapper gentleman Tom Wolfe gives more thought<br />
to his handkerchief than I give my entire outfit.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Part of the problem is that I don’t have the rest of the
wardrobe to match. When I dress in the morning, I go to the closet and grab
whatever is clean, relatively un-tattered, and more or less appropriate to the
weather. I have a remarkably small wardrobe budget. This is by choice. I prefer
to spend my money on stuff besides clothes. Most days I end up wearing an old
pair of khaki chinos or Old Navy jeans, a cheap flannel or cotton-poly blend
button-down shirt (or an even cheaper T-shirt) from the clearance rack at
Kohls, and whatever shoes REI had on sale three or four years ago, when my last
pair wore out to the point that Mrs. Christensen wouldn’t allow me to go out in
public with them. Also some socks, usually. Suffice it to say I’m not what
you’d call “well put together.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Getting back to my point, do you see how it wouldn’t look
right to add something like a nice fedora to my ensemble? When I’m
an old geezer, however, I can don whatever I want: powder blue jumpsuit,
stained yellow western shirt and baggy tweed slacks, or an orange and purple nylon warm up suit. It doesn’t really matter. I can wear a fedora with any of it,
because our society gives seniors a pass on these matters.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My whole reason for wanting a fedora is kind of ironic,
given what I just disclosed about my personal style, or lack thereof. I’m into
hats. I love (almost) all kinds of men’s hats. I can tell you the differences between
a trilby and a homburg. I can describe in correct terms the design, usual
materials, and even a little history of the derby, pork pie, top hat, and ivy
cap. I don’t own any of these because, like I said, they just wouldn’t look
right on me. But I like the idea of owning and wearing them. I bet I’d make a good haberdasher. Could you use some help
picking out just the right headwear to go with your tailored suit and Italian
leather shoes? I’m free for about the next 30 years.</span><a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=191777732884933916" name="_GoBack"></a><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6NEaoE78KEEDtwrRrL0pIQ7tSwHyXc2BsThi5EMZPDrhUHAxtbijWevpUfbpr1aNRcbOxbCZXP_Brdjs-5KUggER2442sjFyDYZYfVpMwmE2UrRtwdtzx8j1z3WDgaNBF2iN3ONHd4bus/s1600/grumpy-man-in-hat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg6NEaoE78KEEDtwrRrL0pIQ7tSwHyXc2BsThi5EMZPDrhUHAxtbijWevpUfbpr1aNRcbOxbCZXP_Brdjs-5KUggER2442sjFyDYZYfVpMwmE2UrRtwdtzx8j1z3WDgaNBF2iN3ONHd4bus/s1600/grumpy-man-in-hat.jpg" height="400" width="301" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me, in 2055?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Brian R. Christensenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503298129704145862noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191777732884933916.post-12252855563392940642014-03-04T22:07:00.000-07:002014-03-04T22:07:18.575-07:00Baby, I'll Take Care of You<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you've been following this blog for long, you know that I'm pretty much a genius about caring for children. I'm also trained in technical writing. So, as a public service for my readers, I've created a simple, universal infant care flowchart. Flowcharts are fun, right?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you're a new parent, babysitter, uncle, grandma, or neighbor of a wee man-cub, or if you live at a monastery where people occasionally drop off their unwanted offspring in baskets on the front porch, you might find this helpful.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Just start at the top center and follow it down. It covers virtually every possibility and <i>might</i> even arrive at a real solution.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtCZ4wO67xG7XmKuZwr4pP2_UJzNwkovUdHrTH1ZVPiM0_Y16AWCVe2fZOKXyBbdfYvUoDCiWU3nfuhixwcg8JSR0mIvFLIF3xG9PDpO9fMrhgRAHwXIOn0DJoQwvhbEKBdkQJTSh4kvHv/s1600/Baby+Flowchart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgtCZ4wO67xG7XmKuZwr4pP2_UJzNwkovUdHrTH1ZVPiM0_Y16AWCVe2fZOKXyBbdfYvUoDCiWU3nfuhixwcg8JSR0mIvFLIF3xG9PDpO9fMrhgRAHwXIOn0DJoQwvhbEKBdkQJTSh4kvHv/s1600/Baby+Flowchart.jpg" height="640" width="560" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif;">Legal disclaimer: Brian, the staff of Unintimidated by Convention, and Blogger.com accept no liability related to claims made in this article. Brian is not a child care professional, and not all of his methods have been tested on actual human infants. He is not licensed to provide child care advice, and in fact has often made babies cry and toddlers run away in fear. Readers should understand that handling infants often results in stained clothing and pulled hair. It also puts people at risk of coming in contact with saliva, urine, feces, vomit, or a combination of these. Some infants cry purely for the fun of it and can never be made to stop. Readers put their own sanity on the line when choosing to care for such a creature. Do NOT shake your baby.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>Brian R. Christensenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503298129704145862noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191777732884933916.post-90001069298352332112014-02-21T22:22:00.000-07:002014-03-05T13:01:25.419-07:00More DIY Tips<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you've been following this blog since the beginning (and you have an excellent memory), you might recall that years ago I sometimes gave ideas for saving money on car repairs. I've collected some more pictures to share with you, of cars that people care about just enough to attempt repairs, without actually spending any money.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Mirror coming loose? Or maybe broken off when you parked a bit too close to that tree? Not to worry, and don't go spending tens of dollars on a replacement! This can be fixed with a little crafting glue... or better yet, a lot of it. For added security, drive a few drywall screws right through the mirror, into the car door. Voila!</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkcqq2Hktg-umYqtOK79AYJW7_1pvF95IgelLKWPqyf_xvUTEFXz0fM5L6zVeAAnx9VW8lzWEm0Vtx7Y62gprxV0dq0Eax_w-OrMAi-T4zRQi7Eal8Rmh8v74dBCEOqkdpSvvA5UdtjF3L/s1600/Mirror.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjkcqq2Hktg-umYqtOK79AYJW7_1pvF95IgelLKWPqyf_xvUTEFXz0fM5L6zVeAAnx9VW8lzWEm0Vtx7Y62gprxV0dq0Eax_w-OrMAi-T4zRQi7Eal8Rmh8v74dBCEOqkdpSvvA5UdtjF3L/s1600/Mirror.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Here's a sweet looking Saturn with a rear bumper that had trouble staying on. Did its do-it-yourself owner waste lots time and money on it? Of course not! He's wise enough to know all that's needed is a bungee strap.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcc5FAYVcaDgXVVQ9ULJ8zeevYNaA8ZlS1JdT0OtZ05O5uiVGRc1jD7mBxKcsGS0soDMmU-xlXwceCRVG5v1Wm99o0Ie5U43BOB5Fj5ZHgrGuOcpmAcpcdD1MDSW_CJQLbZTU0pE3nc8wq/s1600/Saturn+rear.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjcc5FAYVcaDgXVVQ9ULJ8zeevYNaA8ZlS1JdT0OtZ05O5uiVGRc1jD7mBxKcsGS0soDMmU-xlXwceCRVG5v1Wm99o0Ie5U43BOB5Fj5ZHgrGuOcpmAcpcdD1MDSW_CJQLbZTU0pE3nc8wq/s1600/Saturn+rear.JPG" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The front bumper is also loose, but this guy knows it would be a waste of valuable duct tape to secure it before it actually falls off...</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnVfMljszkeyW_WS-m4y2tcLoT-Dt49-q20B5FlygsHKcwmGR1KlutZ2Qps9_xOATUGdHknJlq7We4ZwfYlQ6TXA6rfW7eUWwLVIOeMfqxiP5uVJmEbJlkWRkXTljiC1F6th6qcAyRILGf/s1600/Saturn+front.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhnVfMljszkeyW_WS-m4y2tcLoT-Dt49-q20B5FlygsHKcwmGR1KlutZ2Qps9_xOATUGdHknJlq7We4ZwfYlQ6TXA6rfW7eUWwLVIOeMfqxiP5uVJmEbJlkWRkXTljiC1F6th6qcAyRILGf/s1600/Saturn+front.JPG" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">At the corners, however, you kind of have to anchor down your body panels. You know what's great about C-clamps? They work for temporarily holding pieces together--like when glue is drying in the shop, but they can also be used for permanent repairs. Fast, easy, and totally secure! As long as the tire still clears, I don't see why you'd go with any other method.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJxwUiFn2m9s5GulqANWyOU24pnqklnE1CQagM0TfmUt89BM5pg-ZOodlYoKU_UEkYMjt0_jRpPobiIomzgKhaX0-1fuWhlYwVwMgwwsCEioYghce4NGsmCMF9gGtnbUim62d-O61zjYI1/s1600/Saturn+clamp.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJxwUiFn2m9s5GulqANWyOU24pnqklnE1CQagM0TfmUt89BM5pg-ZOodlYoKU_UEkYMjt0_jRpPobiIomzgKhaX0-1fuWhlYwVwMgwwsCEioYghce4NGsmCMF9gGtnbUim62d-O61zjYI1/s1600/Saturn+clamp.JPG" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My next tip isn't about DIY repairs, but how to tell when your car might be a beater.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Here's a picture of the right front fender on my sweet Kia minivan. (I'm serious. This is actually my van.) A while back, someone decided to use a key or rock or something to scratch up the paint. Whoever did this has some artistic talent, and didn't just make a long straight scratch, but a nifty little zig-zag.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8iZ36bDugyI_n1ybuCrbgFjXL6vBLu3PP_f0-HRZBAE8VnpulhyphenhyphenUAcIROPtUBSjsQPnrWhJJ-N1kW-2__0aBeVnVSrKSe20G_Itv8anxjFPQL3W8S6WqEDOsnM8__KeQ17rjlJHZPqHNL/s1600/Kia.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8iZ36bDugyI_n1ybuCrbgFjXL6vBLu3PP_f0-HRZBAE8VnpulhyphenhyphenUAcIROPtUBSjsQPnrWhJJ-N1kW-2__0aBeVnVSrKSe20G_Itv8anxjFPQL3W8S6WqEDOsnM8__KeQ17rjlJHZPqHNL/s1600/Kia.JPG" height="400" width="346" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Not only did I not get too upset when I noticed it, but I thought it kind of adds a nice touch. I considered duplicating the pattern on the other fender, but I'm afraid I would not get it right. <i>When you see minor vandalism in this way, it's possible that your car is a beater.</i></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">That's all for now. Remember, if a repair job's worth doing, it's worth doing using only what's in your junk drawer, in about five minutes. In the dark.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Brian R. Christensenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503298129704145862noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191777732884933916.post-85075155153174831882014-02-16T23:07:00.000-07:002014-04-07T12:18:43.146-07:00The Lego Movie: On Specialness, Creativity, and Boundless Cross-Branding<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEpvXr3BjOFX6wAsSXnETnCamL3101Vfwbn6oakrK1G10RngDafN6C80rrxzN2N-avnFzGitAkCtBe4nqGUhsExvNavD87vLt-hl-Nb4Hougk1xYchaci5p_vXnoykH8lfZ2_EfJ1M1WTJ/s1600/Legos.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiEpvXr3BjOFX6wAsSXnETnCamL3101Vfwbn6oakrK1G10RngDafN6C80rrxzN2N-avnFzGitAkCtBe4nqGUhsExvNavD87vLt-hl-Nb4Hougk1xYchaci5p_vXnoykH8lfZ2_EfJ1M1WTJ/s1600/Legos.JPG" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is not a movie review. I wish I could write those, but I'm not really equipped with the necessary cinematic vocabulary, and besides that, I'd probably either spoil movies by telling all the good parts (for the flicks I like) or struggle to find anything interesting to say about them (for the ones I don't).</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This is just some observations that came to mind last night as I took in <i>The Lego Movie</i> with my boy, Caleb. We both love Legos. I've enjoyed them all my life. He has thousands in his collection, and playing with them is among our favorite things to do together. This movie was one of the best we've ever seen together. I highly recommend it, for all ages, for boys and girls, and especially for anyone who loves Legos.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now, without further ado, I give you my thoughts...</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>The Lego Movie</i> is intelligent and entertaining on several levels. It is very funny. It makes heavy use of visual and thematic gags inherent in the idea of live plastic toys, in the tradition of the <i>Toy Story</i> trilogy. It gives an interesting new texture to the standard framework of a regular Joe standing up against a powerful, evil force, winning a girl's heart and inspiring his friends along the way, and ultimately saving the world. What it does best, however, is use Legos to illustrate the ideal of original thought, unrestrained creativity, or (at the risk of applying a phrase that's becoming ironically cli<span class="hsb" style="font-size: medium !important;"></span>chéd)</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> "thinking outside the box."</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The beautiful thing about Legos and part of what makes them such intelligent toys is their limitless re-usability and recombinant potential. Erector sets, Tinker Toys and Lincoln Logs can be assembled in original ways, encouraging imaginative play, but even these are limited in the variety of configurations they'll allow. Only Legos permit and encourage a virtually infinite scope of new combinations.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In his typically excellent essay "To the Legoland Station," Michael Chabon explains a concept that many have delighted in, the Lego company wisely encourages, and <i>The Lego Movie</i> pushes rather overtly: the "saving power of the lawless imagination." Having enjoyed square and rectangular bricks in six basic colors--the only kind of Legos made at the time--during his own childhood, Chabon now watches his children combine intricate, more specialized, and much more detailed pieces in ways that fly in the face of convention and of the relatively simplistic play of his youth.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Here's an example he gives relative to spacecraft and minifigs (the human-ish characters of the Lego world):</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"My children have used aerodynamic, streamlined bits and pieces of a dozen <i>Star Wars</i> kits, mixed with Lego dinosaur jaws, Lego aqualungs, Lego doubloons, Lego tibias, to devise improbably beautiful spacecraft far more commensurate than George Lucas's with the mysteries of other galaxies and alien civilizations. They have equipped the manga-inspired Lego figures with Lego ichthyosaur flippers. When he was still a toddler, Abraham liked to put a glow-in-the-dark bedsheet-style Lego ghost costume over a Lego Green Goblin minifig and seat him on a Sioux horse, armed with a light saber, then make the Goblin do battle with a minifig Darth Vader, mounted on a black horse, armed with a bow and arrow."</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've often joined Caleb in a similar hybridization of vehicles and characters, combining elements from diverse platforms. Lego offers play sets based on dozens of movies, comic books, characters and mythologies both pre-existing and of the company's own invention, real human endeavors, and historical periods, and Caleb owns a fairly eclectic variety of these. I create with him not to deliberately flex my artistic muscles or appear clever from the perspective of a brilliant essayist's toddler son. Like Caleb, I do it simply because it is fun, and Legos lend themselves to it so easily.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>The Lego Movie</i> opens with a day in the life of Emmet, one of countless citizens of a Lego city, whose lives are marked by repetition and blind obedience. They share an almost worshipful respect for corporate mentality, industrial efficiency, modern urban lifestyle, and especially for The Instructions, written documents that tell them exactly what to do minute-by-minute. Although Emmet seems happy and joins his fellow citizens in a rendition of "Everything is Awesome," we detect a dystopian undercurrent.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Emmet becomes unwittingly entangled in a struggle between Octan, the mega-corporation in control of his city, and an intrepid group who oppose it by searching for a small plastic object cleverly named the Piece of Resistance. This item is predicted by ancient prophecy to fall into the hands of the Special and has power to stop the Kragle, a terrible weapon possessed by Octan's evil leader, President Business.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Not unpredictably, Emmet winds up holding the Piece of Resistance, is dubbed the Special, and therefore must find a way to penetrate Octan's fortress. Despite the expectation others have for him to be the most extraordinary person in the universe, Emmet's mind is almost totally devoid of innovation. Here is a pretty well done iteration of a common literary theme: the likable Everyman who feels unfit for the world-saving burden thrust upon him, à la</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> Moses, Frodo Baggins, and others.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">There follows an epic adventure through some of the various worlds that Emmet learns comprise the Lego universe: his own city, the American Old West, Cloud Cuckoo Land, and even the high seas aboard a submarine and a pirate ship. (Because what epic adventure would be complete without this?)</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We soon learn the exact nature of the Kragle, and this is key to the movie's central message. It does not kill people or destroy property in the usual manner, but glues Lego pieces together so they cannot ever be re-purposed. It ends creativity and true progress as it sentences all within its reach to an everlasting static condition, powerless to change.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Also important to my discussion is the hugeness of the movie's cast of characters. Besides the several new players introduced in it, there are dozens of comic book superheroes, historical figures, Star Wars humans, aliens, and droids, and stock characters. Some of these come from Lego's proprietary collection (such as the 1980s Astronaut), but most are practically universal in human storytelling (e.g., ghosts, mummies, pirates, etc.). There are no fewer than three wizards: Tolkien's Gandalf, Rowling's Dumbledore, and Vitruvius, who debuts here. Even <i>vehicles</i> from other stories take on minor roles: the Batmobile, Wonder Woman's invisible jet, and Han Solo's Millennium Falcon are characters of a sort.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Numerous though the characters are, their real effectiveness results not from their number, but from the breadth of their origins. I can't think of another movie that co-opts so many pre-existing characters, from so many other stories. This feature, which is part </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">of what makes the movie so fun, is the same thing that has helped catapult Lego to tremendous popularity and success in recent years. The company has made immense cross-branding efforts. Their toys, characters, and themes include and are included in many non-Lego platforms, genres, media, and products.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A few years ago, I wrote in a <a href="http://brian-christensen.blogspot.com/2011/10/grab-bag-no-3-im-part-of-atari.html">blog post</a>, "</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">While at the game store, I took a few minutes to browse the used discs and spotted a cheap copy of Lego Star Wars. We picked it up for our boy, Caleb, and it's a huge hit! This is a video game based on a toy that's based on a movie... I want a T-shirt with this game on it!" It turns out that they make these T-shirts, and Caleb now owns a few of them.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">Though we've watched several lesser Lego movies, produced for DVD and also released on Netflix, none of these matched the grandeur of <i>The Lego Movie.</i> It is Lego's first really ambitious, feature-length, big-budget film production. Having enjoyed Lego toys, books, video games, T-shirts, and DVDs, we were excited to see what a big movie studio could do with our favorite toys. W</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">e had high hopes for the movie's quality, and we were not disappointed.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #222222; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"> </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Unlike the hybrids assembled by Chabon's children, characters in the movie are generally put together "correctly," i.e., people have matching legs, torso, arms, head, and hair, and vehicles tend to have a similar consistency. The movie itself, however, is a hodge-podge, a mix-and-matched assortment of remarkable diversity. In other words, the cast of characters and vehicles mirrors the diversity of the Lego company's offerings. There are some exceptions to the general consistency: the pirate Metalbeard consists of a typical minifig head atop an enormous body made from spare parts of many different types. Another exception comes at the climax of the struggle against President Business, when members of the resistance convince everyone to reject The Instructions and assemble pieces in new and unconventional ways.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This revolt is the movie's most obvious expression of the message I identified early in my essay. The filmmakers made The Instructions very closely resemble the printed instructions included with every real Lego set, which help consumers build a model into its intended form. In showing the movie characters' Instructions as a tool of the oppressive mega-corporation and a crutch for the mindless masses, Lego satirizes its own product. By the end of the movie, we can hardly avoid an inclination to shirk compliance with published standards and forge our own paths.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Chabon notes his children's instinctive mastery of this inclination: </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">"Kids write their own manuals in a new language made up of the things we give them and the things that derive from the peculiar wiring of their heads. The power of Lego is revealed only after the models have been broken up or tossed, half finished, into the drawer."</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So maybe that was a weak attempt at a review, after all. I hope I didn't spoil too much of the movie for those who have yet to watch it. I'm sure my family will see it many more times in the coming months and years. I'll be happy if it continues to stimulate and inspire me the way it did on my first viewing. I especially hope it causes Caleb to repeatedly laugh as freely as he did last night.</span></div>
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Brian R. Christensenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503298129704145862noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191777732884933916.post-65244399426259401142014-01-13T01:09:00.000-07:002014-01-13T01:09:12.355-07:00Dreaming<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I think about dreams a lot. I love dreaming, and I often dream in vivid detail or with intense emotion. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Often, I experience the fantastical, incongruous, or incomprehensible situations that are among the hallmarks of dreams. I've seen and done things </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">while sleeping that make </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Finnegan's Wake</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"> seem almost coherent. I've never tried psychedelic drugs, and I don't have to, because my mind naturally takes itself to bizarre, otherworldly places. Put the painting below into a blender along with some M.C. Escher drawings and David Lynch films. Mix them up, then turn the result inside out, and accompany the whole thing with a mix of Grateful Dead and Danny Elfman songs. This is an approximation of where my mind goes many nights. </span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc2Rt5BISnoZnxnc-y_aPx9r9SOMMvXd16_fW1PFftkf-HQA1NKZp4CF62uJIg5KeiwNYoh6vzmkz0FeLKf_kLTSXBLKb4cqkAxapVeGszKJUBkYDZCN_8huDdxoBzaec8esfEpXuGOlqX/s1600/dreamscape.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="275" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjc2Rt5BISnoZnxnc-y_aPx9r9SOMMvXd16_fW1PFftkf-HQA1NKZp4CF62uJIg5KeiwNYoh6vzmkz0FeLKf_kLTSXBLKb4cqkAxapVeGszKJUBkYDZCN_8huDdxoBzaec8esfEpXuGOlqX/s640/dreamscape.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i>Dreamscape,</i> by Romanian artist Liviu Mihai. Hosted at CoolVibe:<br />
http://coolvibe.com/2011/dreamscape-by-liviu-mihai/</td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In dreams, I have ridden my motorcycle along the edge of a vast, spectacular canyon to a hotel room where my children greeted me. I have bought jewelry for my wife in a Mexican village. I've wandered into a nightclub where beautiful people were dancing with large casts on their arms and legs. I've flown high above the Earth, ridden on the backs of strange beasts, and held conversations with newborn infants and with my dog. I've often participated in scenes from movies I like.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Many of my dreams reflect unfulfilled lifelong wishes. For example, I've never been a good swimmer. In fact, I could not swim at all until I was a teenager, and this often troubled me. But in dreams, I am a graceful, fearless swimmer. There are other examples that I will not share here.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've had some horrible nightmares. Occasionally, these involve a tangible threat, like a monster chasing me. The most frightening ones, however, which came when I was very young and recurred many times, were quite different. They consisted of vague but powerful emotions, with no characters or plot, and no specific visual or auditory details. There was merely an overwhelming sensation that I was completely alone and being overcome by a tremendous, evil force. This was usually accompanied by a scene which I can best describe as follows: I hold between my fingers a tiny crumb of matter, like Play-doh, perhaps. In an instant, it grows to the size of a building, or a mountain, or even the entire Earth, and I am trapped beneath it, being crushed and suffocated, unable to move, and unable to shout for help. It is a very real and utterly desperate sensation. I would wake up screaming, confused, and bawling for comfort from my mother.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">To this day, if I concentrate, I can intentionally recall the emotional state of those nightmares. I will not take myself deep into it, especially not at night, but I occasionally experiment with it in my mind--sort of like sampling something bitter just to remember what it tastes like. Even as I formulate this description right now, if I think too much about it I can bring myself to tears. (That could be a useful tool if I were acting in a dramatic movie, eh?)</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Putting the intense nightmares aside, I hold with those theorists who believe dreaming is the mind's way of sorting the clutter of what we experience in real life; it's part of a mental tidying-up process. Several nights ago I had a very long, detailed dream that was confusing to me when I first awoke and recalled it. As I pondered it throughout the day, it became clear to me that various elements of the dream reflected things I had seen and done recently, or that I'd heard about from friends. If I told you what I did in my dream, you'd be shocked and frightened. I plead innocence by virtue of the fact that I don't control my dreams; they come spontaneously, and I would sooner surrender my life than commit the atrocities that took place in this one. As our world is a place where ugly, senseless things often happen, it is no wonder my brain has much to sort out.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hamlet thought the dreams that may come when we have "shrugged off this mortal coil" must give us pause. I don't have to wait until death for this to happen. The dreams I have now often give me pause. Now and then they frighten me. Sometimes, they open new worlds to me, reveal things about my self, or delight and entertain me. Usually, they leave me guessing, wondering, thinking. I love to dream.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Brian R. Christensenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503298129704145862noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191777732884933916.post-77097337142025372912014-01-11T22:30:00.001-07:002014-01-12T16:14:27.764-07:00What Kind of Nuts?<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As I look back through the things I've written on this here blog, I notice there are more posts about stuff my boy, Caleb</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">, say</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">s than anything else. He's a constant source of fun material. Sometimes one of his friends will also say something that is worth a laugh, and worth sharing.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He was playing with a five year old boy from the neighborhood recently, and the two of them had the following conversation: (This is all true; I can't make this stuff up.)</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Friend:</i> Have you seen "Space Balls?"</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Caleb:</i> No.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Friend:</i> It's funny. There's a guy that looks like Darth Vader, but he's called Dark Helmet. And he kicks someone in the peanuts!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Caleb:</i> You shouldn't say that.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Friend:</i> What?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Caleb:</i> You said a bad word.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Friend:</i> Huh-uh. That's what it's called.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Caleb:</i> Really?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Friend: </i>Yeah, it's called your peanuts.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Caleb:</i> Oh. Okay.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm glad he has a source of accurate information. This means I don't have to worry about talking with him about the sensitive topics when he gets a little older. He'll learn everything he needs to know from his peers.</span><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixKXEKqtMGVo7xxwBtTkxeTPuR6ye2AW0ugQsrRnX2OzqihbJR-ltE3rQkADU2rAZDaXnmZiIKKRMfZ2Oj8i3CaTvja9hi_QpxKmb_d5P-rUm4yYpar-rjEcFOXGaireC4RsDgPZdDu9Sn/s1600/Dark+Helmet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="266" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixKXEKqtMGVo7xxwBtTkxeTPuR6ye2AW0ugQsrRnX2OzqihbJR-ltE3rQkADU2rAZDaXnmZiIKKRMfZ2Oj8i3CaTvja9hi_QpxKmb_d5P-rUm4yYpar-rjEcFOXGaireC4RsDgPZdDu9Sn/s1600/Dark+Helmet.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Always guard your peanuts when this guy's around.<br />
<i>Image courtesy of fanpix.net</i></td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Brian R. Christensenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503298129704145862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191777732884933916.post-26212313604686710862014-01-10T01:11:00.001-07:002014-01-18T22:49:43.900-07:00Improving On the Classics<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Warning! The following post contains a big movie spoiler. Don't read any further if you're the type who likes sappy drama and you've never seen <i>Little Women</i>. You should only proceed if 1) you don't care about movies like that, or 2) you've already seen it. (I think that covers roughly 100% of the human race.) </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Cupcake (a.k.a. Celeste, my spousal unit, the wife-inator) and I don't have exactly the same taste in movies. It's not that I mind her movies so much; I just enjoy them in a different way. While she likes to sit quietly and concentrate on the dialog, characters, and social drama, I find it fun to add my own witty commentary. As you can imagine, this leads to some great conversations.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Recently, she and our daughters were engrossed in the screen adaptation of Louisa May Alcott's <i>Little Women.</i> (The version with Susan Sarandon, Winona Ryder, and young Kirsten Dunst.) I've seen most of this movie before, so I knew what was coming in the part where the girl gets really sick.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We had the following fun discussion:</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Me:</i> Is this the part where she dies from AIDS?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Cupcake:</i> She doesn't die from AIDS! It's cholera. She gets it from holding the neighbors' baby.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Me:</i> Whatever. Same thing.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Cupcake:</i> How can you defile a classic like that?! [From her tone of voice and facial expression, you'd think I'd just scrawled a mustache on the Mona Lisa.]</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Me:</i> I don't know, if by "defile" you mean make better, and by "classic" you mean boring chick flick, I guess I just have a talent for it.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Cupcake:</i> Well, you'd better STOP!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Me:</i> Okay, [whispered too quietly for her to hear] if by "stop" you mean think of some even better comments to bring out next time you're watching <i>Pride and Prejudice</i> or <i>Steel Magnolias.</i></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">She's so lucky to have me, because movie nights would be very dull without my contributions.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Edit: True story. I published this post late last night, and this morning the girls watched </i>Fried Green Tomatoes.<i> I got to tell them, "Here comes the part where the guy gets killed by a train," and there was nothing anyone could say, because he does! Ditto the part where they chop up Mary-Louise Parker's husband, barbecue him, and feed him to the investigating officer. These chick flicks are great.</i></span>Brian R. Christensenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503298129704145862noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191777732884933916.post-22324613236213975222014-01-08T23:43:00.000-07:002014-01-08T23:46:16.418-07:00Cash Money: Almost as Good as a Credit Card<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I reckon it's time for another installment of the recurring feature I call...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>"The Stupidest Thing I Saw (or heard) Today"</b> </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You say you don't recall this feature of my blog? That's probably because by <i>recurring</i>, I mean I've done it once before. This post makes its recurrence official.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Today I went to a bank. While I stood at the counter doing all my transactions, I could overhear parts of another teller's conversation with someone in the drive-up. This other teller was probably new on the job. She was pretty young. Based on what I heard, I think she had worked at that location for about three hours, and amassed a total of about three hours' banking experience. Hopefully she made it to the end of the day and will be invited back tomorrow; that's a tough call, though.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">She got the plastic cylinder out of the air tube and opened it, and then I heard this:</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Young teller, to her supervisor:</i> Can we accept cash for a loan payment?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Supervisor: </i>Ah, we... er, WHAT?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Young teller:</i> He wants to make a loan payment with cash. Is that okay?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Supervisor (very slowly and distinctly):</i> Yes. That's fine.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Young teller:</i> 'Kay, thanks!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I guess some banks are becoming quite liberal in the payment options they will allow. Soon, we might see supermarkets starting to accept cash, and before you know it, we'll be able to use it as legal tender for all goods and services. Crazy, huh?</span>Brian R. Christensenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503298129704145862noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191777732884933916.post-17013254037856224112014-01-05T22:46:00.000-07:002014-01-08T23:50:31.509-07:00Worst Station Ever!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I saw this in a shopping mall restroom. I swear I did not alter its label in any way. But I think someone did. I seriously <i>hope</i> someone did. Otherwise, this station is a horrible thing that I think we really don't need in our society.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgerLaKawZYecGXyld7UctfcX82077zPAoW_T5EdfEGS7x-dmZupQbYqef_2UFaUdGz-qLhnLsl3s3nnKGJSgdy8OxReoDqjwJ4kcQ3nSlNs9HrIaRGIsKbRVRBRehb64J56rSCjIOB47OC/s1600/Hanging+Station.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgerLaKawZYecGXyld7UctfcX82077zPAoW_T5EdfEGS7x-dmZupQbYqef_2UFaUdGz-qLhnLsl3s3nnKGJSgdy8OxReoDqjwJ4kcQ3nSlNs9HrIaRGIsKbRVRBRehb64J56rSCjIOB47OC/s400/Hanging+Station.JPG" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My advice for whoever built this is to focus on making the labels more durable.</span>Brian R. Christensenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503298129704145862noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191777732884933916.post-8716568850072846182014-01-04T13:05:00.000-07:002014-01-04T13:05:10.820-07:00Some Observations and Questions...<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">... or, "a few things my
brain has been working on.”</span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE0r3ZFtXGf1WJFv_m-2fZPyDMkc4QTKd1PHdQA-ZRLKFQ7nCVELuSOAoRx1z4C65LNQcwJnGJKLXtI4UySyLksD6y__EespptXs_nD4NMPCUSr1XkEQ5lt8ieGQtTCpnFP55Vfxfxya8G/s1600/Watch.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgE0r3ZFtXGf1WJFv_m-2fZPyDMkc4QTKd1PHdQA-ZRLKFQ7nCVELuSOAoRx1z4C65LNQcwJnGJKLXtI4UySyLksD6y__EespptXs_nD4NMPCUSr1XkEQ5lt8ieGQtTCpnFP55Vfxfxya8G/s320/Watch.jpg" width="238" /></a></div>
<span style="color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Verdana;">- Have you ever
noticed that in magazine ads for watches, the time is always about 10:10?
(Sometimes they make it 10:08 or 10:09, somewhere in that range.) I guess
they're intent on giving a balanced appearance. Seems awfully conventional,
though, for a product that's often marketed as an expression of one's
individual style. There's no such thing as an average citizen, but we all like
things tidy. Even the avant-garde fashionista and the rock climbing, yacht
racing polar explorer have a sense of feng shui when selecting a timepiece.
"I want a watch that lets the world know I'm the fighter pilot type,
living on the edge and, especially, following my own path. But when selecting
that watch, I want to see the hands, </span><span style="font-family: Verdana;">the
date window, and the hour markers as clearly as possible."</span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">- How is it that we can put a
man on the moon, but we can't make a soda fountain that will not drip on my
hand as I pull my cup away?</span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">- Why is a man on the moon
always used as the standard of technological achievement? Why not nuclear
fission, laser eye surgery, or mapping the human genome? We can put a man on
the moon, but we can't seem to think of another accomplishment to reference
when making a proverbial claim about human progress.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">- I think they should make a
movie about Leonardo da Vinci, and cast Leonardo DiCaprio in the lead role,
just because that would look neat rolling up the screen in the closing credits.
I wonder if DiCaprio will go bald and grow a beard in his old age.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Verdana;">- People like to shorten up
big words, to make them easier to say. And yet, when talking about a ladies'
doctor, they always pronounce each letter of the abbreviation:
Oh-Bee-Jee-Why-Enn. Folks, that's five syllables! Why not just pronounce
it Ob-Gyne? That's what I'd do, if I ever had a need to talk about such a
person. The rest of you can say the whole thing; it won't bother me. Just don't
get upset if I end up with more free time than you.</span><span style="font-family: Verdana; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Brian R. Christensenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503298129704145862noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191777732884933916.post-62112227170172921032013-12-31T18:41:00.001-07:002013-12-31T18:41:40.831-07:00Bizarre Botany<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVTMvyaILhS_FLMjCJNoe8O-Mqr0NqXHjEySPbkmWn8leRRP28nJ0rWzjnV1uaXgS-hBFcZRUgIGgDV_sSjMpBB6Pjpqnuh1VJxI7Jtd0rhHVU4QV19k0C9r9j0NIxXxlPraM1SN5oNnP0/s1600/Seuss+Tree.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVTMvyaILhS_FLMjCJNoe8O-Mqr0NqXHjEySPbkmWn8leRRP28nJ0rWzjnV1uaXgS-hBFcZRUgIGgDV_sSjMpBB6Pjpqnuh1VJxI7Jtd0rhHVU4QV19k0C9r9j0NIxXxlPraM1SN5oNnP0/s640/Seuss+Tree.jpg" width="480" /></a></span></div>
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Sometimes when a heavy snow falls, I think it makes things look rather Seussian. What would the good doctor call this tree? Leave your suggestions in the comments area below, please.</span><br />
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Brian R. Christensenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503298129704145862noreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191777732884933916.post-17058490529065528482013-12-29T19:44:00.000-07:002013-12-29T19:44:31.154-07:00Who wants some pie?<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It seems like it's been <i>days</i> since I've written anything here. Some friends have asked what I've been up to, so I guess I'll update the ol' blog. I have big plans for some really good entries in the near future. Stand by for those...</span><br />
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<div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In the meantime, here is a pie chart for you. Pie charts are fun, right? This one shows how I've been spending my time for the past six or eight months, in very general terms. I could break it down into much more detail, but that would create lots of really small, crumbly pieces of pie, with no room for the yummy filling. Better to keep it simple.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJz9XjuWEvyJ8C4Xsr6mTiuQ9sCXTr7euLz8kTH3OYvg31VMqRrg3nYRDUjSI9b64UWf2cM6giJ1TUf4Q1fp_-A6Nelvcs2X7lDrGeP15wVT83VEEb2Evr3MPlFTVIhW3CTt35h41d0DVs/s1600/Pie+Chart+1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="542" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJz9XjuWEvyJ8C4Xsr6mTiuQ9sCXTr7euLz8kTH3OYvg31VMqRrg3nYRDUjSI9b64UWf2cM6giJ1TUf4Q1fp_-A6Nelvcs2X7lDrGeP15wVT83VEEb2Evr3MPlFTVIhW3CTt35h41d0DVs/s640/Pie+Chart+1.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>By the bye, feel free to leave a comment. Glad to hear I'm getting ready to write some more? Sad to learn I didn't get eaten by wolves? Feel duped that you came here and then learned there's no actual pie? Say so!</i></span></div>
Brian R. Christensenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503298129704145862noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191777732884933916.post-91688406803336434162013-06-06T12:53:00.000-07:002013-06-16T21:34:32.177-07:00Shocking Parental Behavior<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Why are some parents so overprotective and overreactive with
their children? Tonight, while waiting to order at a restaurant, I watched a
father who does not “get it.”</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He was standing in line with his family right in front of
me. I think he had two or three rugrats. One of them was a tiny girl about two
years old, give or take six months. Cute as a bug’s ear. She was
walking around, looking to entertain herself, but generally staying in sight of
Mom and Dad.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">On the wall nearby was an electrical outlet. She saw
it and went to investigate closer. In fact, she went right up and touched the outlet’s slot. As anyone can easily see, outlets
are designed with slots so narrow that even an infant cannot fit her finger far
enough into them to reach the metal contacts inside. This child could not
possibly have gotten hurt using only her bare finger. If she’d had a small
metal object, things would be different. She didn’t have anything, just her
finger.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As soon as Mr. Worrypants saw what she was doing, he sprang
into action. Moving with lightning speed from his position about ten feet
away, he swept up the child while virtually yelling, “No, no, no! Don’t touch
that!”</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I wanted to tell him, “Chillax, dude. She’s not trying to
clean a key in there, just touching the outside cover.”</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAUffd_CAM2TNS1mUGAMxz5CfotBBq7XzZnQgd0tZ5RZV3kQmXO10uD7eF0bzcMd6E_XeLJh_J9PZHUM3Q3htmwQ-N5QgzvzFI3POdakTOdlWaFyvqhsCkQ6i26mi2OEKMX36KC9LEU9PI/s1600/key+cleaner.tiff" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAUffd_CAM2TNS1mUGAMxz5CfotBBq7XzZnQgd0tZ5RZV3kQmXO10uD7eF0bzcMd6E_XeLJh_J9PZHUM3Q3htmwQ-N5QgzvzFI3POdakTOdlWaFyvqhsCkQ6i26mi2OEKMX36KC9LEU9PI/s400/key+cleaner.tiff" width="321" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Image courtesy of CollegeHumor.com</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Of course, his response startled her, and she began to cry.
More like a brief whimper, really. So he over-corrected again and hugged her
tightly while soothing her in a stupid baby-talk voice: “It’s okay, daddy wuvs
you. Daddy wuuuvs you.” Really, doofus? You want her to learn to talk like that?</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Tip for new parents: kids mimic what they see and hear. If you want them to
learn to speak correctly, speak correctly to them. I know, a radical approach,
huh? Not only that, but kids are very adept at reading their parents’ emotions,
from a very young age. If you want them to be frightened and upset, freak out
around them. To help them remain calm and comfortable, well, you know what I’m
going to say here…</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Imagine what this guy will do in 10 or 15 years when his special princess is confronted with <i>real</i> dangers.</span></div>
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<!--EndFragment-->Brian R. Christensenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503298129704145862noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191777732884933916.post-56556384400292327742013-06-04T23:41:00.000-07:002013-06-09T21:32:00.995-07:00Solitaire<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">The other day, boy genius Caleb was begging me to play a card game with him, but I had a lot of yard work, so I put him off. Don't judge me. I had already played with him for quite a while that morning. Sometimes a dad has to go out and do what needs doing.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">He followed me out and set up in the driveway. Then he started the game without me, taking a toy penguin for his opponent.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6IbakigkWwr2wKNcB2pVYek3pM4C_J0ofRwbafUnvli9ehPnNYgOjo19jZbYZYd-kAhAyF4fA-PLizNXdaaYJcQzhYvMXNc41mtbeikDxOFZXrPHrsWEbFswzs1ME7EqBJiZV50LSITTM/s1600/IMG_2167.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="300" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6IbakigkWwr2wKNcB2pVYek3pM4C_J0ofRwbafUnvli9ehPnNYgOjo19jZbYZYd-kAhAyF4fA-PLizNXdaaYJcQzhYvMXNc41mtbeikDxOFZXrPHrsWEbFswzs1ME7EqBJiZV50LSITTM/s400/IMG_2167.JPG" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Oh nothing, really. Just sitting here all alone on the concrete, getting<br />
sunburned while I party with an inanimate friend. What else is there to do?"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I can't decide if this is the saddest thing I've ever caused and I'm a shameful, horrible father, or if it's an inspiring display of independence and resourcefulness. Maybe a little of each?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And I'm not sure who won the game. If Caleb played like he does with me, he probably cheated.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Brian R. Christensenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503298129704145862noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191777732884933916.post-86179439509327347132013-06-02T23:16:00.002-07:002013-06-04T12:23:34.455-07:00Super Duper Grab Bag No. 4<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's time for another miscellaneous collection of stuff I feel like sharing with you, otherwise known as a <i>U by C</i> Grab Bag.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">First, let's do a few lists. Lists are fun, right?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Six famous nerds, in order of net worth (by my estimates)</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1. Bill Gates</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2. Orville Redenbacher</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">3. Pee-Wee Herman</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">4. David Byrne</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">5. Stephen Hawking</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">6. Fred Rogers</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Nerds from the above list who are billionaires</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1. Bill Gates</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Those with severe physical handicaps and brilliant minds</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1. Stephen Hawking</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Those who were members of one of my favorite 80s bands</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1. David Byrne</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Those who were once arrested for public lewdness in a movie theater</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1. Pee-Wee Herman</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Those suspected of being a woman dressed as a man</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1. Orville Redenbacher</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Grab bag posts I've made on this blog, in chronological order</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1. <a href="http://brian-christensen.blogspot.com/2011/09/weekly-grab-bag-no-1-please-dont-call.html" target="_blank">Grab Bag No. 1</a></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2. <a href="http://brian-christensen.blogspot.com/2011/09/grab-bag-no-2-getting-along-with-fam.html" target="_blank">Grab Bag No. 2</a></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">3. <a href="http://brian-christensen.blogspot.com/2011/10/grab-bag-no-3-im-part-of-atari.html" target="_blank">Grab Bag No. 3</a></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">4. This one</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Eleven animals that have bitten, stung or pinched me</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1. Dog</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2. Cat</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">3. Mosquito</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">4. Tick</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">5. Ant</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">6. Ferret</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">7. Goose</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">8. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Honey bee</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">9. Hornet</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">10. Hermit crab</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">11. Caleb (my son)</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Five animals that have not</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1. Elephant</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2. Kangaroo</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">3. Snake</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">4. Jellyfish</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">5. Lobster</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Six animals I've accidentally run over with a car</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1. Dog</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2. Cat</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">3. Duck</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">4. Snake</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">5. Frog</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">6. Skunk</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Six animals I've never run over, as far as I know</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1. Elephant</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">2. Kangaroo</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">3. Jellyfish</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">4. Penguin</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">5. Dolphin</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">6. Moose</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>Animals that Dave Barry and I agree would make a really funny necktie</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">1. Weasel</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now, something that happened to me today that made me go, "Huh?!"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I work on a military installation, so I have to show my ID to a sentry to get through the gate each day. Usually, he or she will check the ID, hand it back, and say something like, "Have a nice day," or maybe, "Drive carefully."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">This morning, the guy who checked me was a Senior Airman (E4), which means he's probably been in the Air Force for 3 or 4 years. He looked to be about 23 years old, give or take 2 years. So imagine my surprise when he told me...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>"Stay out of trouble."</b></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I wanted to say, "Squeeze me? Bakingpowder? Whatdyoujustsay???" I don't dye my hair gray. I have four kids and a mortgage. I do not have sleeve tatoos. I was driving a KIA MINIVAN, for cryin' out loud, and it was 6:45 AM on a Sunday! I wonder what exactly I was giving off in my aura that made him think I might be looking for trouble. I can count on one finger the number of speeding tickets I've gotten in my whole life. I've never had so much as a sip of beer. I guess sometimes people just say things like that for lack of a better comment. But it made me flash back to the time <a href="http://brian-christensen.blogspot.com/2011/09/these-bloodthirsty-girls-are-getting.html" target="_blank">a sweet young lady about half my age called me "hun"</a>.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm really glad he didn't open the rear hatch and discover all those dead prostitutes and bags of cocaine.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">...</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And finally, something George Carlin said:</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b>"In this era of 'maxi,' 'mega,' and 'meta,' you know what we don't have anymore? 'Super-duper.' I miss that."</b></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I do too. I like to call things super, if they really are. This is something I have in common with the <a href="http://iamthemilk.wordpress.com/2013/05/27/the-regular-and-the-special/" target="_blank">four year old boss and offspring</a> of Katia, a really smart, funny lady transplanted from Israel to Toronto, who writes a blog called <a href="http://iamthemilk.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">IAMTHEMILK</a>.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">While I like "super," I see no need for "superb." What does adding the b at the end do? Nothing, as far as I can tell. It still just means super, so I think this is a word we can do without.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
Brian R. Christensenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503298129704145862noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191777732884933916.post-46118200986674075802013-05-30T08:46:00.000-07:002013-05-30T08:46:47.666-07:00Small Dogs and Neighborly Harmony<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm a dog person. I like most dogs, but especially large breeds. You know why I don't care so much for really small dogs? Because they're always so <i>bossy.</i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Here are the two obnoxious creatures that live next door to us. Their back yard borders ours, separated only by a chain-link fence:</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3dwVd5no_YkrbJR8-txLmNGhXziF8w59PDVZhrlpl3M394rx12DKUACUezNfZE17Mln3-uIzPX2unkqRVUuX3fNTUVwrXTGJC5JbutHexQtzgLJZNkszOVJxWfU-5b11SMFF4jHZIU_ob/s1600/IMG_2164.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="298" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3dwVd5no_YkrbJR8-txLmNGhXziF8w59PDVZhrlpl3M394rx12DKUACUezNfZE17Mln3-uIzPX2unkqRVUuX3fNTUVwrXTGJC5JbutHexQtzgLJZNkszOVJxWfU-5b11SMFF4jHZIU_ob/s400/IMG_2164.JPG" width="400" /></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If I'm out there, doing yard work or whatever, they usually get upset and yell at me, "Hey! Stay away from here! This is OUR yard and OUR fence! You can't run your mower that close to us! You can't cut that firewood!" I ignore them.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It gets interesting when our goldendoodle, Cooper, is out playing. He just wants to run around and have fun, but the little canine brats go berserk. They scream at him, "HEY! You stay far away! You can't run up to our fence! IF YOU COME ANY CLOSER WE'LL BITE YOUR ANKLES!!!"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Of course, this prompts him to run along the fence and yell back, "Oh, you guys want to play? Okay! Let's run back and forth! Too bad this fence is here, 'cause it would be fun if we could get together and run all over the place."</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">They reply, with really angry voices, "It's a good thing for YOU this fence is here, because it's the only thing keeping us from going all Tasmanian devil on you!"</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm sure that's what they're saying. The bossy little jerks need to take a valium or something.</span>Brian R. Christensenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503298129704145862noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191777732884933916.post-46040111533899823292013-05-29T11:36:00.000-07:002014-02-21T21:11:02.070-07:00Mr. Productivity<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's been about a week since I wrote anything here, but I haven't exactly been goofing off. On the contrary, I got all kinds of stuff done lately. It's as if my last name were Workerton, and my first name, Workie.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I did stuff in the yard:</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVXDd8yhJnF1qaL5hgXghJwOdn60lNJDRsXglCefPARZtVI2GFhFCWuSWcfM2o2nn8LfuTFgGa0vkfyh7HOcK4TkovQOvOSDJKUfAIY_4qN90nTqlXUjaHBON2bmUA3nyrOs5npKLFr7ke/s1600/IMG_2172.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVXDd8yhJnF1qaL5hgXghJwOdn60lNJDRsXglCefPARZtVI2GFhFCWuSWcfM2o2nn8LfuTFgGa0vkfyh7HOcK4TkovQOvOSDJKUfAIY_4qN90nTqlXUjaHBON2bmUA3nyrOs5npKLFr7ke/s400/IMG_2172.jpg" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">See that in-ground faucet? It wasn't there before. I had to dig pretty deep for the pipe it attaches to. After finishing the installation, I turned on the supply valve, and it worked! No leaks. Water comes out when I turn on the faucet, and stops when I turn it off. Success! Oh, one little thing though... another faucet that I recently installed in a different part of the yard used to work, but now it doesn't. Where's the emoticon for a puzzled look and head scratching? Pipes are <i>tricky!</i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I played appliance repairman with our washing machine, which recently went on the fritz. (Whatever "the fritz" is, lots of things at our place seem to go on it.)</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhukFN030-j5Vwpg2h9vYoLKI7J-eAlIXzFhhd1fReOTaQxMvUDqXvu53f9TV09vg7WnJ7cbik6dcfV44L7ZzbxwyGHV6ngoAd8wOCFRkIsm3_JS09ykicmSIRkoFObkiRxL2MZnBWSJCtS/s1600/IMG_2168.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhukFN030-j5Vwpg2h9vYoLKI7J-eAlIXzFhhd1fReOTaQxMvUDqXvu53f9TV09vg7WnJ7cbik6dcfV44L7ZzbxwyGHV6ngoAd8wOCFRkIsm3_JS09ykicmSIRkoFObkiRxL2MZnBWSJCtS/s400/IMG_2168.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I had almost every part of this unit out, and somehow managed to get it all back together. And it works! Washes clothes again. Rinses and spins them too. And there are no leaks. After finishing this job, I only had a few screws left over. Obviously they were extra and unneeded, like your appendix. I'm pretty much a genius with electronic and mechanical things, and I (usually) save a fortune by not calling in the professionals. That digital multimeter isn't just there to look good in the picture. Okay, that's largely why it's there, but I did use it once during the repair process.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">My neighbor was installing tile in his kitchen this weekend, so I went over and helped with that. We did pretty good, for amateurs.</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgraydJOE1O-pC6sDHM2wj2tuUiX2QX4OmjhFLjc8HbkjKrw4RUYSRj6aqezknbTuvITmLY8lJvq8BPJL3NioDYDUuoN66B0bkTNKPIUkWZ_UqrT8GYTqSIhERGLxeRFXXHsOIgkwQbCt9L/s1600/IMG_2171.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgraydJOE1O-pC6sDHM2wj2tuUiX2QX4OmjhFLjc8HbkjKrw4RUYSRj6aqezknbTuvITmLY8lJvq8BPJL3NioDYDUuoN66B0bkTNKPIUkWZ_UqrT8GYTqSIhERGLxeRFXXHsOIgkwQbCt9L/s400/IMG_2171.jpg" height="400" width="300" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It looks like wood, but it's actually ceramic tile. Cool, huh?</td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'm definitely NOT a genius with tile, so I wanted to get some experience (in someone else's house, hehe!). I like learning new skills.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">For the biggest job of all, I spent some time in the garage. There's a problem with the clutch on my old Ford pickup, so the transmission had to come out. Here's the truck:</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDBIN0DGk7s4Ld5GO45bbnPLuHWTjdOXYgiO8y2QrhpJ1oaH6HPyqtV3DOhljpY8Sj9fGlXP41FbiuvhSdYYO9TIfU8ZLeVwdnhflj0xoConEXyI4R3dow-mFWAYNHKWiQnKM4jVjtbJ9s/s1600/IMG_2161.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgDBIN0DGk7s4Ld5GO45bbnPLuHWTjdOXYgiO8y2QrhpJ1oaH6HPyqtV3DOhljpY8Sj9fGlXP41FbiuvhSdYYO9TIfU8ZLeVwdnhflj0xoConEXyI4R3dow-mFWAYNHKWiQnKM4jVjtbJ9s/s400/IMG_2161.JPG" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">And here's the transmission:</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnfA-P2JX-pf6MKJ528mUCBVUFWVpKAqIKBHRRtul9K-iXhT2Jsi9xRHP-8cxLx75atYq8l3e5NOrGKTLHlr4Fj8AF9Wc3vvXtSqSvySTOsLM4_PzG8dkdbZRhpGTKp7XA6jLaNrOAZfSD/s1600/IMG_2162.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjnfA-P2JX-pf6MKJ528mUCBVUFWVpKAqIKBHRRtul9K-iXhT2Jsi9xRHP-8cxLx75atYq8l3e5NOrGKTLHlr4Fj8AF9Wc3vvXtSqSvySTOsLM4_PzG8dkdbZRhpGTKp7XA6jLaNrOAZfSD/s400/IMG_2162.JPG" height="300" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Notice that the two are now completely separated--proof I was successful. I did this alone, with no help at all. I do not recommend this method. If you're considering removing a transmission, take my advice and get a friend to join in the fun. It's much less exciting that way, and excitement isn't something you need in your garage. During this operation, I invented several new swear words, never before spoken by man. Please don't remind me that removal is the easy part, and I still need to put this back in. I'll <strike>nearly destroy</strike> cross that bridge when I come to it. Hopefully I will not end up with too many extra bolts.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A guy can't just work all the time though, can he? Sunday we had lots of family and friends over, and we cooked out. I grilled burgers, hot dogs, and chicken kabobs, and also made a huge batch of Dutch oven potatoes.</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKSSlPd-HVFugugcBKOTQtCCFLX-tGjnx_MUe4Rg_osh7zhSRSVc0oCaohsTX0Sfk9AevMunuTNProt_qYHO7zQH67IegGMYCF6RHK5opnoM2TYSnhBXBdaNs63qzcoUOZU5GqA5GaqbB0/s1600/IMG_2170.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgKSSlPd-HVFugugcBKOTQtCCFLX-tGjnx_MUe4Rg_osh7zhSRSVc0oCaohsTX0Sfk9AevMunuTNProt_qYHO7zQH67IegGMYCF6RHK5opnoM2TYSnhBXBdaNs63qzcoUOZU5GqA5GaqbB0/s400/IMG_2170.JPG" height="300" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Thin sliced potatoes + bacon + cheese + 1.5 hrs in an iron pot = culinary bliss.</td></tr>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I must have not used enough charcoal, because these took forever to cook. When they eventually got done, they were delicious. I guess that's a win.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">So you could say I'm pretty handy around the house. Fixing things and building things... even cooking things sometimes. I don't do it perfectly, but I can do it all.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now, for my next project...</span></div>
Brian R. Christensenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503298129704145862noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191777732884933916.post-46033205840259511722013-05-22T23:31:00.000-07:002013-05-22T23:36:07.873-07:00Something For All You Good People To Ponder<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">In case I have not driven away the last remaining souls who once read this blog, here is yet another English lesson, or what I should just title "Stuff People Say That Really Irritates Me."</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">You ever hear this one? "He's good people."</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I've been around folksy folks who like to say things like that. "I sure like ol' Buck Chapman. He's good people." Or, "That Slim T. Pronghorn feller sure is good people. His brother Lefty is good people too. They both are. They'd give you the shirt off their back any day of the week, and twice on Sunday." Or even, "You know who's good people? Cactus Jack Skalkaho. I've known CJ for a lotta years, and I've always said he's good people. It's too bad we can't all be as good a people as he is."</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Don't get me wrong. I like old-timey, 19th century Western Americana-type stuff. On a scale where 1 is stubborn tradition and 10 is extreme progressiveness, I'm probably about a 1 1/2. No, make that 1 3/8.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I know there are expressions that don't conform to the usual rules for singular/pluralism. In Turkish, when you want to say "good day" (at a greeting or departure), the words you'd use translate directly as "good <i>days</i>." We sometimes speak of politics as a single thing, when clearly the word is plural. "The media" is likewise technically plural, but often used in a singular sense.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">...but I don't care about any of that. I think calling one person good people is about the dumbest sounding thing you can say. Please don't ever say this around me.</span></div>
Brian R. Christensenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503298129704145862noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191777732884933916.post-50132686781565249532013-05-19T14:01:00.000-07:002013-05-19T14:07:37.005-07:00What Irony is, and What it Ain't<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Ring the metaphorical bell, because class is back in session! It's a class in the Unintimidated School, which is kind of like old schools in that we care about using words correctly, as opposed to joining trendy conventions of misuse. We're not at all Old Skool, as we feel that is an inane, largely meaningless phrase. In that sense, you could say the Unintimidated School is ironic, or at least the term "Old Skool" is. (Also, we feel it's impolite to kick things, and proponents of Old Skool are always kickin' it.)</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Let's get something straight: "ironic" is a term way too often misused. When you notice that something is coincidental, unexpected, or occurring under interesting circumstances, why not just say so? Too many kids (and even adults) like to claim these situations are ironic. Irony is when something turns out completely contrary to what's expected, given the usual meaning or behavior of the elements involved.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">It's ironic when an ambulance runs over you, or a murderer saves your life. I could say "How ironic! A hard hat fell off the shelf and landed right on my head, giving me a concussion." This would be a correct use of the term. Some incorrect uses would be, "Hey, I was just thinking about you, and now I've run into you in the elevator... how ironic!" and "Oh, your son has the flu? That's iroinc; my daughter just had the flu."</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">YouTube features numerous parodies of Alanis Morisette's <i>Isn't It Ironic, </i>a song filled with things that are not ironic at all, about which she sings, "isn't it ironic?" This makes the song itself sort of ironic, but in a way that was probably not intended. If you like, go and search the YouTube, watch a few of these vids, then come back and finish up here...</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">A few correct examples:</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- A character in Kurt Vonnegut's <i>Slaughterhouse Five,</i> a novel dripping with irony, returns safe from war to find that his friend was killed in a hunting accident at home. "So it goes."</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- Shirley Jackson's wonderful short story <i>The Lottery </i>explores mob mentality and destructive traditions in a fictional small town where all the citizens gather annually to draw slips of paper from a box. At the story's conclusion, readers learn that--SPOLER ALERT!--the one with the winning slip gets stoned to death. There is irony in the town's naming their ritual "the lottery," because this usually refers to a contest for cash or some other desirable prize.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">- The title character in <i>Forest Gump</i> somehow always comes out on top, despite his low intelligence and complete lack of planning. Of particular note is the fact that the dimwitted neophyte Gump repeatedly saves the life of his leader and mentor, Lieutenant Dan. He literally saves Dan's life in battle, his naive blunder saves the shrimping business they share, and he eventually saves Dan from a downward spiral of depression and self-destructive behavior, inspiring Dan to find a reason to live. Not bad for a guy once deemed borderline retarded, eh?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">If you want some fun, everyday examples set to a catchy tune, I recommend this little number by comedian Bo Burnham: (Warning, this song will get stuck in your head, making you spell out I-R-O-N-I-C continually for the next several days.)</span><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/k1wbG58vY7k?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Now I'll let you decide. Is it ironic for me to teach literary concepts using silly online videos? If so, that's okay. I'm happy as long as nobody comments, "How ironic! I was just listening to Alanis Morisette this morning," or "Bo Burnham is my favorite funny guy, and <i>U by C</i> is my favorite blog. That's ironic."</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Thank you.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Brian R. Christensenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503298129704145862noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191777732884933916.post-33633192055903213892013-05-18T21:19:00.000-07:002013-05-18T21:19:44.098-07:00Missing 15 Year Old Girl from Maine--Please Help!<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 41px;">Re-blogged from <a href="http://msfowle.wordpress.com/2013/05/15/please-help-find-nichole/" target="_blank">M.S. Fowle</a>:</span></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 41px;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: 'Droid Serif', Georgia, serif; font-size: 32px; font-style: italic; line-height: 41px;">Please Help Find Nichole</span><br />
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I’ve never said this to any of you, but PLEASE REBLOG THIS! We need as many people as possible to see it, even if you live overseas – PLEASE REBLOG or REPOST!</div>
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This past Sunday night, a local teenage girl went missing and no one has seen or heard from her since.</div>
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<a href="http://msfowle.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/nicholecable_missing1.jpg" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #b91313; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;"><img alt="MISSING: Nichole Kristine Cable" class="aligncenter size-large wp-image-3001" height="784" src="http://msfowle.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/nicholecable_missing1.jpg?w=600&h=784" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; clear: both; display: block; font-size: 15px; height: auto; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; margin-top: 0px; max-width: 100%; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" width="600" /></a></div>
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15-year-old Nichole Kristine Cable of Glenburn, Maine was last heard from Sunday night at around 9:20pm. Her parents have reported that she had received messages on Facebook from an unknown male and had plans to meet up with him. From what I’ve gathered, he posed as one of her Facebook friends to get her to accept a friend request and started messaging her.</div>
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There is little to go on as far as the “person of interest” goes – only that he is male, used a fake name and is supposedly driving a small black car. A few other teen girls have come forward to say that the same man had contacted them as well, but he removed them from his friend’s list when they refused to meet him.</div>
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Nichole’s last known whereabouts is on Route 221 in Glenburn, Maine.</div>
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<strong style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">If you’d like to get involved, this is the Facebook group that’s been formed to get information out: <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/577550842284659/" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #b91313; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">https://www.facebook.com/groups/577550842284659/</a></strong></div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 18px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<strong style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">I’ve also sent out some tweets about this, using the hashtag #FindNichole and #FindNicholeCable – please go to my Twitter profile and Retweet them:<a href="https://twitter.com/ms_fowle" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #b91313; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">https://twitter.com/ms_fowle</a></strong></div>
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I don’t care where you live or if you think it might not help – IT WILL! Reblog, Repost, Retweet – whatever you can! Think of all the different people who follow you online – they come from all over. Let’s use our social media outlets to spread the word and bring Nichole home!</div>
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I will update you once more information is received. Thank you for whatever help you can offer.</div>
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* * *</div>
<div style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 18px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
<strong style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">UPDATE:</strong> Authorities are now looking for anyone who may have seen a black Ford Ranger pickup truck (similar to the one pictured below) in the area of Rt. 221 near Rt. 43 and Rogers Market or near West Old Town between 8pm Sunday (May 12th) and 2am Monday (May13th). *Read the full article >> <a href="http://www.wabi.tv/news/40236/search-continues-for-nichole-cable-deputies-looking-for-truck" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #b91313; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">http://bit.ly/15VOBqJ</a></div>
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<a href="http://www.wabi.tv/news/40236/search-continues-for-nichole-cable-deputies-looking-for-truck" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #b91313; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: none; outline-width: initial; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank"><img alt="Nichole Cable Case - Ford Ranger" class="aligncenter size-full wp-image-3005" src="http://msfowle.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/fordranger.jpg?w=600" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; clear: both; display: block; font-size: 15px; height: auto; margin-bottom: 12px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; margin-top: 0px; max-width: 100%; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;" /></a></div>
<h6 class="zemanta-related-title" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; clear: both; font-size: 1em; line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 10px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">
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</div>
Brian R. Christensenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503298129704145862noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191777732884933916.post-19339476755599636742013-05-16T08:28:00.000-07:002013-05-16T12:34:17.572-07:00Heaps of Beeps<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Howzit, folks? Since I just gave you a <i>Stuff Caleb Sez,</i> let's now do an entry in <i>Stuff George Carlin Said.</i> Because I like to keep things balanced, and also because I never get tired of G.C.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>"Everything beeps now."</b></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">As usual, he's right. When I was a kid, we didn't have many things in our house that beeped. There was one phone, it was stuck to the wall, and it rang with an actual bell. You know, a round metal thing inside being struck by a tiny hammer. To make a call, you had to literally <i>dial</i> the number. Zip-zip-ziiiiip! </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Want to change the TV channel? You had to walk across the room and turn a big mechanical knob. </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">(The choices were 2, 4, 5, 7, and 11, plus a few UHF stations that usually didn't play anything interesting.) </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We called it tuning in a station, and it was slightly less trouble than tuning a piano. Even though it only had a 17" screen, the TV itself was about the size and weight of a Smart car.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">We were one of the first families I knew to get a microwave oven. It was an Amana Radarange, and it didn't beep. Like our TV and our telephone, it had... wait for it... yep, big round dials to set the cook time, plus a few clunky mechanical buttons for "Start," "Stop," and "Light." It made our food hot, and nobody ever struggled with how to program it.</span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">But things changed, and several years ago, almost everything in the house beeped. Some things beeped when we pushed their buttons, other things beeped to get our attention so we'd know when it was time to wake up or when our toast was done. And don't forget beepers. They beeped too!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Nowadays, most devices have been replaced by the smart phone. It's a camera, video camera, video game, GPS, calculator (and scientific calculator!), TV, alarm clock, remote control, flashlight, Rolodex, and even a phone. And it beeps a lot. I still have a separate electric shaver, because as far as I can tell, they haven't made an app for that yet. I checked into the Motorola Razr, but that turned out to be a very misleading product name.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I wonder what George would have said about smart phones.</span><br />
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Brian R. Christensenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503298129704145862noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191777732884933916.post-62344881122093076942013-05-15T00:32:00.000-07:002013-05-15T09:42:08.800-07:00I Need to Clear My Head<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I'd like to catch up on a few miscellaneous things today, but I promise to soon return to the English lessons. <sarcasm> Because I'm sure everyone enjoys those! </sarcasm> (I know a little HTML.)</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">First, let's update one of my favorite features here at U by C, <i>Stuff Caleb Sez!</i> Here is something that recently came from Boy Wonder:</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">[By the way, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">this whole conversation started after he told me his strategy for winning a level in Angry Birds Star Wars, which he was playing at the time. I said it wouldn't work and suggested another approach. He went with his idea, and it worked. He won--the game and our dispute.]</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Caleb:</i> Dad, you know why kids are sometimes smarter than adults?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Me:</i> Ah, what?!</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Caleb:</i> I said, do you know why kids are smarter than adults?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Me:</i> Ummm, no. I don't think they are.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Caleb: </i>Dad, they are. Sometimes. You know why?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Me:</i> No, I don't know why, because I don't think kids are smarter.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Caleb:</i> Well, they are. Sometimes.</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">... and as soon as I left the room, he mumbled, "And by sometimes I mean all the time."</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Five minutes later, he tried again.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Caleb:</i> Dad, kids are smarter than adults. I know they are, so don't say it's not true.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Me:</i> Okay, fine. What's your point?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Caleb:</i> You want to know why?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Me:</i> Yes. Please tell me why kids are smarter.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><i>Caleb:</i> Because adults know so much stuff, there's no room left in their brains. But kids have lots of room in their brains to think of smart things.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjDqujokUyydKGMXBlL8DEnrybEprx4SF7kREGn1TZYL7Z7Eh2TJUqwkjEcN63XbxLMEg0vL6H-rD8QPr7BLRMexNvFrT3frfKKiHZPBUqnurXOKpQ45C3FNvRMziN35VaFxyi-sOYkTlN/s1600/Caleb.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjDqujokUyydKGMXBlL8DEnrybEprx4SF7kREGn1TZYL7Z7Eh2TJUqwkjEcN63XbxLMEg0vL6H-rD8QPr7BLRMexNvFrT3frfKKiHZPBUqnurXOKpQ45C3FNvRMziN35VaFxyi-sOYkTlN/s320/Caleb.jpg" width="228" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">I hate to admit it, but he may be onto something. I've got decades of useless knowledge cluttering the recesses of my cranium, making it difficult to think clearly and come up with innovative solutions to, say, a video game involving light saber-wielding birds and pigs dressed up as stormtroopers. His mind is an empty slate, leaving him free to devise the best trajectory when launching those little digital birds... and to form an argument like the one he just gave.</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">...</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">By the way, I've been updating the other pages here, easily navigated using those tabs at the top of the page. Mainly, I've been adding pictures to the <a href="http://brian-christensen.blogspot.com/p/pics-of-stuff.html" target="_blank">pics page</a>, but if you haven't checked the <a href="http://brian-christensen.blogspot.com/p/bozo-list.html" target="_blank">Bozo List</a> lately, there might be some new-to-you updates there too. I'll add some more books to the <a href="http://brian-christensen.blogspot.com/p/coming-soon.html" target="_blank">books page</a> soon. Man, am I <a href="http://brian-christensen.blogspot.com/2011/11/im-like-octomom.html" target="_blank">productive</a>, or what?</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hey, one more thing. Leave a comment, whydontcha?</span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><br /></span>Brian R. Christensenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503298129704145862noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-191777732884933916.post-64949611492951756812013-05-12T17:53:00.000-07:002013-05-12T17:54:43.829-07:00Better Check the Telephone Wires<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">Hey, folks. Real quick, I just want to share something I call long run-on sentence to introduce a little news story I encountered this week that isn't very important or even interesting, but it's kind of funny when you follow it with a caption I came up with, and even though I try to keep the political stuff off my blog because I feel there are other places for those discussions and I want Unintimidated to just be kind of fun and silly, I'll allow this because, like I said, I thought of a great comment, and most of you will get it, assuming you are familiar with childish rhymes:</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0BMYtVtrmIn0AFT1nNrdpDn8xKu4_WAI99uOpgbJ55WuPajWhukPrXWiyxELsis-odSlh-6KA6GY7376_GzGZxZ-LDoEFKrqVpSW23tomqaaX9JQa04H1zYWsbGlK8_FW5DExfoaJrMfz/s1600/Liar+Liar.tiff" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="357" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0BMYtVtrmIn0AFT1nNrdpDn8xKu4_WAI99uOpgbJ55WuPajWhukPrXWiyxELsis-odSlh-6KA6GY7376_GzGZxZ-LDoEFKrqVpSW23tomqaaX9JQa04H1zYWsbGlK8_FW5DExfoaJrMfz/s400/Liar+Liar.tiff" width="400" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: red; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: x-large;">I wonder if it was someone's pants.</span></div>
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Brian R. Christensenhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03503298129704145862noreply@blogger.com3